


Hidden in the Moonlight of a Midnight Dance

by InsomniaMagic



Series: The Soul Should Always Be Open Wide [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Free! - Freeform, Healing, Heartbreak, M/M, but they are part of the overall story, finding love again, glimpses of character from other sport anime, i am sure i am forgetting something, kuroo and kenma are more on the side, no smut!, oikawa tooru - Freeform, sugawara koushi - Freeform - Freeform, they will have their own story told, this is it for now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-11 21:04:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12943869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsomniaMagic/pseuds/InsomniaMagic
Summary: Bokuto is smitten, but Akaashi is having none of it. Bokuto want to be his friend, Akaashi wishes to to understand him. Bokuto is reaching out, Akaashi is hiding away, noticing the small things that make Bokuto so compelling.Have you ever met someone and immediately knew there could be something more?Have you ever had a chance to encounter life-altering situation by locking eyes with someone you don´t even know the name of?Were you ever consumed by a feeling, that you are going crazy, because something like this being true is not even remotely possible?Well, I have news, not so much for you, but for me.I saw him.Our eyes locked, just for a couple of seconds.And well…I am screwed.





	1. AFRAID BELIEVER

Have you ever met someone and immediately knew there could be something more?

Have you ever had a chance to encounter life-altering situation by locking eyes with someone you don´t even know the name of?

Were you ever consumed by a feeling, that you are going crazy, because something like this being true is not even remotely possible?

Well, I have news, not so much for you, but for me.

I saw him.

Our eyes locked, just for a couple of seconds.

And well…

I am screwed.

 

* * *

 

 

“I can´t do this. No-o. No way. Not in a million years. Too cute. Toooo cute. That is too much, my heart won´t be able to take it. This is…”

“Bo, be quiet,” said the text message, screaming - calm down, for the sake of everything living. “Take a deep breath, please.”

Bokuto Koutaro, a man of a tall and muscular stature did just that.

“Are you breathing?”

“Bo!”

“Don´t forget to breathe out, man!”

Beep, beep, beep.

“Are you alive?”

Messages kept coming, as Bokuto looked outside of his office window thinking about the next project he is supposed to bring upstairs, all the way to the fifth floor.

His legs were glued to the floor, his heart raced faster than the racers at the F1. There was something terrifying about the thought of talking to that man.  And why him? Always so distant, even when speaking together. Like his mind lived in another world, maybe another universe.

And that man certainly did not fit the position of a construction engineer. He saw him more as a writer, painter, photographer, or a model.

The phone started ringing. “Sorry, Kuroo, I am sorry.  Yes, I am breathing. No, this isn´t my ghost speaking. No, I don´t know how the afterlife looks, but I will have a chance to tell you soon, because I am going there. No, not to ask… no, I don´t even know him, I am just…”

What is he, exactly?

There were many men he liked, gosh, he once had a crush on Kuroo, his best friend, which was not so fun. No matter who he liked, there was never a problem in talking to them, inviting them on a date, being normal around them.

Kuroo chuckled.

“Did I say the last part out loud?” Bokuto sighed. He was getting irritated, all thanks to his own insecurities. “Well, maybe I am not so normal, but…”

“Just go and talk to him. You are co-workers. Get to know him and you will see if he is the one.”

“But why do I feel like this?” Bokuto suddenly whispered. “Kuroo? Kuroo…”

“Sorry. I don´t know, my friend. I am not the one you should be asking these questions”

Bokuto sighed again. “You are exactly the one, but fine. I am going now, you rooster-head.”

“Excuse me?” Kuroo spoke dramatically with his voice reaching new heights.

“Love you,” Bokuto said laughing.

“Yeah, yeah, love ya too.”  They both hung up.

He did not find him in his office.

“May I help you?” asked a female voice belonging to one of their new interns working in the office Bokuto just stepped in.

“Uhm…” he hesitated.  “Is he around… ehm, sorry? I don´t think I now your name.”

Woman with a light brown hair and a long ponytail blinded him with her widest smile. “Kaori. You may call me Kaori.  And he is on the roof as always, when on a break.”

Bokuto nodded. “Yeah,” he said, pouting a bit. “I should have known. Well, thank you.” He bowed and ran all the way up, even higher, into the skies.

Well, not exactly into the skies.

His lungs made him cough like crazy after the fresh air mingled with the cigarette smoke coming from a man of a shorter height than Bokuto. His slender figure was turned away, admiring the view of the city, better said, terrifying traffic. He patted his dark short hair and turned around.

Bokuto forgot how to breathe again. His eyes were glued to that pretty face, those green eyes, thick black eyelashes making him look like he was wearing an eye liner. Maybe he was, Bokuto could not care less.

“Yes?” said the smooth, silky voice with a hint of expressing boredom and apathy.

Bokuto stepped forward.

 

* * *

 

 

What ever happened to love?

To the devotion of a heart and the admiration of the soul?

What ever happened to just being together, enjoying life, looking forward to the next step?

Next door?

Next street, or next border?

What ever happened to trust?

What ever happened to us?

To our promised forever?

To our cries of laughter,

To our echoes of pleasure,

To your “I will stay,” To mine, “I will never let go,”

… when did this emptiness happen?

 

* * *

 

 

That´s how he tried to hide his presence, to hide his existence. That´s how he tried to become invisible. Usually, most people understood what his break on the roof meant. Usually. This man? This pain in the ass somehow became an architect and got assigned to him, so Akaashi Keiji was the one having to push every project to the successful end.

Oh, well…

It wasn´t all so bad.

The cigarette smoke kept him hidden from the outside world, although it did a pretty poor job with the inside one.  Akaashi Keiji pulled one more time. Another puff of smoke surrounded him. His hand pressed the stub into the provisory ashtray made out of tin filled with cold coffee. Disgusting stuff, thought Akaashi, still awaiting Bokuto-san´s first words.

“I am sorry to disturb you,” said the silver-haired man in an unnaturally high-pitched voice.

Akaashi smiled. “I will not bite. Is it another project?” He motioned towards the stairs. “Maybe we should go downstairs, it´s windy today.”

It really was. Akaashi noticed how Bokuto´s hair, obviously styled to be spiked up, moved in the wind. He was not sure if he liked it, or utterly hated it. This much work put into styling your own hair was… ridiculous. Well, this type of hairstyle was ridiculous in any shape or form, no matter if done on purpose or not.  Akaashi Keiji sighed. He should stop being this pessimistic. “So?”

Bokuto nodded, then stopped. “Actually, no. I… yes, this is project, it is not new, client wants some changes so… but it will wait. I wanted…” His free hand dallied with the hair, then he scratched his neck, later shoulder.

Why is he so fidgety? Thought Akaashi, feeling amused and restless at the same time. “Stop it, or your papers will…”

There it was. He didn´t even finish the sentence, the papers fell down. Thankfully, Akaashi was ready for it. He swiftly caught them and tucked them in his own arms. “I will take them, if you don´t mind.”

Bokuto did not react. His eyes were looking down in an embarrassment. “Sorry.”

“Nothing happened.” Akaashi´s brows furrowed. He really wasn´t in a mood for this. “Please,” he waved his hand. “This happens to me all the time.”

Bokuto looked up with a small grin on his face.

“So? Can we go to work or do you have anything else on your mind?”

“I just thought… you know, you have your break so I thought I could join you. But since you finished your cigarette, there is…”

He was fidgeting again. Akaashi actually didn´t mind the company, unless he isn´t the one who has to speak. That did not look like a problem, when it came to Bokuto-san.

Akaashi turned his right hip to Bokuto. “Could you take out my cigarettes? I don´t want to drop the papers again. The lighter is inside the back pocket.” After Bokuto took the cigarettes out, his hand touched Akaashi´s butt, since that´s where the lighter was resting. The owner smiled. Bokuto´s hand was shaking too much.

“Here,” Bokuto said with an excitement in his eyes, as he put the tip of a cigarette inside of Akaashi´s mouth and lit it.

The wind got stronger, clouds covered the skies, but the rain wasn´t coming. At least not yet. Both men rested their hands on the stone parapet in front of them and continued enjoying the view. Honestly,  Akaashi forgot he wasn´t alone, until he heard the words unicorn, beautiful and “I want to see one.”

“Wait,” Akaashi whispered with a cigarette in his left hand and files in the right “You mean… you believe unicorns are real?” If he´ll admit he believes also in vampires, ghosts and werewolves, or witches even, he is leaving.

Bokuto shrugged. “Akaashi, man!”

What? Akaashi narrowed his eyes, but not at Bokuto. How did he just say his name? It was too prolonged, too childish, too… intimate. Akaashi certainly did not like that. His heart beat faster, not because of a pleasure. He could not pinpoint the exact emotion. There was something in the air, in the wind reeking of fresh grass, upcoming thunderstorm and of something transcendent… like… like the end, the beginning, like the memories.

Intimate.

There was a time intimacy meant everything to him. With his friends, family, his partner.

Not anymore.

It scared him, and it scarred him.

“Unicorns, you know? So beautiful, I wish they were real and, well…” Bokuto continued, oblivious to Akaashi´s distress. “Maybe they are. Do you have any proof they exist? No. Do you have any proof they don´t?”

No answer.

“Hm?”

“Oh?” Akaashi looked at him. For a moment, his co-worker seemed to be passing out. They were staring at each other, both for a different reasons.  Am I supposed to answer? Akaashi shook his head. “No, I don´t have a proof.”

“See?!” Bokuto screamed with his fists in the air, acting like he just won the prize. “Unicorns, Akaaashi. I wish there were black unicorns. Or blue ones. Oooh, dark green with sparkles would be…”

Akaashi was pretty sure this is a dream. “Bokuto-san, please, don´t call…” His voice halted. Bokuto was giving him an expression full of enjoyment. How could he destroy something so… so unreal? “Unicorns, huh?”

“I know they are not real,” Bokuto added seriously. “I just like to dream about them. About… things that might be real and we will never know, probably . I like mysteries.”

“I hate them,” Akaashi admitted quietly.  “I don´t like not knowing things.”

 There was a time he was indifferent about them. 

Bokuto chuckled. “That´s why I love them. They make life fuller, you know? And I know what I´m talking about, I love having clear and simple answers!” He patted Akaashi on the back. “Thank you. I thought it would be harder. You know, to speak with you, not as a co-workers. You are nice! Let´s work!” With that, he was leaving.

“Unbelievable,” murmured Akaashi Keiji. “Why shouldn´t I be nice? Why…”

But he knew why. 

 

* * *

 

 

Night is too close,

Day is too far,

I want to call,

I am afraid of the fall.

Day is too close,

Night is too far,

We met at the first light of a dawn,

Never ever I want to say goodbye.

 

* * *

 

 

Darkness has fallen all around the city, admired a couple of hours ago from afar by Bokuto and the man of his dreams. He still couldn´t get off the stench of cigarette smoke, but surprisingly, he  didn´t mind. The smell of coffee and hazelnuts was somehow stronger than tobacco.  The scent of Akaashi Keiji was stronger than anything Bokuto ever felt before.

It did weird him out.

It scared him.

He hoped it will not scar him. He was not ready for that emotion.

Bokuto Koutaro had no idea what heartbreak meant and he was pretty certain he is not going to allow himself to find out.

Beep. The sound of owl hooting alerted him about one new text message.

“So? Are you alive? Or should I ask, if I am following you - at least one hundred and five years from now - to heaven or hell?”

Bokuto smiled.

Beep. Hoot.

“Come one, I need to know. All of my subsequent life choices depend on that.”

“Everything went fine. I just don´t think I should pursue this. But we talked.” Bokuto threw the phone away and sat down in front of the computer.

Kuroo somehow new and sent him a Facebook message.  “You talked. Isn´t it a good sign? Or did you find out he is hetero and…”

“Nah. I think he does not care, honestly. But he is a non-believer, you know? And a non-dreamer.”

“Change it. Or… talk with him more? You know, he could become your friend. That should be enough, right? Trust me, I would know! ;) “.

Bokuto realized he was shaking his head. “You are right. Dammit. I hate it when you are right.”

“I am always right.” Kuroo countered.

“Hardly.”

“Do you want a reminder? Well, where should I start.Hm, the first day of college…”

“FINE!” Bokuto was still shaking his head. “You are unbelievable.”

“But you still love me.”

“And you me.”

Kuroo muahaha´d. “You always need the verification, hm?”

“What? You started it!”

After a couple of quiet seconds, Kuroo answered. “Well, maybe I need it, too.”

Bokuto smiled.

He had no idea they were both smiling, albeit with a little bit of sadness.

“I really wish I could fall in love with you, you know? Like, really. And you with me, of course.” This was not the first time Bokuto mentioned something like that.

“Yeah, Bo. I know exactly what you mean. I think so too, but I would counter, ´cause we both might be on a right track this time. I certainly am.” And this was not the first time Kuroo agreed with something like this.

 

* * *

 

 

I keep falling,

But falling is overrated,

I am trying to get up,

But getting up is forbidden.

So I stay, stay and look up,

There is a hand, waiting for me.

I take it. Then we run.

 

* * *

 

 

“Will you come to lunch with me?” Bokuto asked for the first time after three days have passed.

“No, thank you, I have my own,” Akaashi answered without looking up from the computer.

 

“Will you come to lunch with me, please?” Bokuto asked with his most precious face he could muster.

“No, thank you, I have too much work to do,” Akaashi answered with a straight face, clearly ready to go outside for a smoke.

 

“Will you come to lunch with me, please? My treat!” Bokuto was persistent for three days in a row.

“No, thank you, Bokuto-san, I am not hungry, I had a big breakfast today,” Akaashi said, obviously munching on a protein bar he did not enjoy very much.

 

“Will you come to lunch with me? If you say no, I will honestly have to drag you.” There was no answer. Was this Akaashi´s silent treatment? “Pretty please?”

Akaashi, looking into his computer monitor sighed, turned around and bore his apathetic sight into his coworker´s big, yellow pleading eyes. “How pretty?”

“Very pretty,” Bokuto assured him with such a bright smile, Akaashi could count his teeth. “You won´t regret it, Akaaashi!”

“I doubt it very much.”

“Akaaaashi, you hurt me!” Bokuto gasped theatrically.

Green-eyed man took his coat. How was his name getting longer and more mingled everytime Bokuto-san addressed him? He did not have a heart to tell him to stop.  “I am regretting this already,” were his only thoughts as they left the office building.

 

“Ghosts,” Akaashi repeated, just to make sure he heard the words correctly. “Like… real ghosts?” This wasn´t turning up for what he thought it would be.

Actually, what did he think? He did whatever he could to avoid the lunch with this man, not because he had something against him, or didn´t like him. Quite the opposite. He was nice, he tried so hard it was tough to say no to him. But… they had nothing in common. Not today.

Akaashi straightened The man in front of him was giving him a disappointed look full of shock and surprise. “I am sorry, continue. Ghosts.”

“It´s not funny,” Bokuto said more seriously. “I know people find my theories crazy. And I know it  might not even be ghosts. My own best friend didn´t believe, until we went through some… weird experiences.” His voice got lower, slower and quieter.

That intrigued him. The moment Bokuto Koutaro sounded as an adult, serious man with a belief in his heart, he became the same mystery Bokuto loved so much.

Akaashi wasn´t fond of them, but not at this moment. “So, tell me about it.”

“It´s nothing. We were… babysitting my small cousins and well, we heard some noise. We were pretty sure it´s water from the downstairs bathroom,” Bokuto started talking, with his spirits getting higher.

“Kids, probably.”

“Yep, we thought. that I ran downstairs like a racer, when it stopped. None of the kids got up, not even once. Trust me, you know when kids pretend to be asleep. This wasn´t it and the moment we got downstairs, the water started running from upstairs. And, before you ask, we were not drinking, we were babysitting.” Bokuto chewed a piece of meat, his mind lost in a deep thought. “That´s when I was sure it´s intruder, but… no one was in the house, just us.” Bokuto looked into his co-workers eyes. “Trust me, it´s not the only experience I… we had. When I asked later, my aunt admitted I am not the first one to have some weird experiences, sooo…”

 “So this is why you believe,” Akaashi nodded in understanding. There was nothing more he could, or wanted to say. In all honesty, he wanted to leave. After finishing their food, Bokuto helped with Akaashi´s plate, they both got up and hurried back to the offices.

There was another threat of thunderstorm looming over their heads. The first one, a week ago, did not happen as was expected. The second one seemed to be a lot closer. Akaashi pulled his long, dark coat closer. He hated rain, thunders and lightnings. He hated it all and wished for them to never happen anymore.

Once, they were a promise of something great, something exciting, they were a promise of forever. Now, they are only promise of despair, distrust and loss.

“Earth to Akaaashi!”

He jumped. “I am sorry, Bokuto-san. I was thinking.”

Bokuto tilted his head. “´Bout what?” Then it hit him. “Sorry, sorry, didn´t mean to pry!” His eyes widened, showing he got a bit worried.

“It´s okay, Bokuto-san. Let´s go inside. Thank you for the lunch.” First raindrops fell into palm of Akaashi´s hands. He closed them, then stepped through the doors. Without another word, he came into his office, disappearing there for the rest of the day.

 

Bokuto Koutaro had no idea how to reach this man.

He was a mystery hidden behind an iron wall covered in chains, traps and magical curses.

But Bokuto Koutaro loved mysteries, especially the ones he was able to solve. This one was solvable.

When another project landed on his table, his excitement must have been felt all the way upstairs in Akaashi´s office.

“You are probably the only one I know who loves having so much work!” said Yukie Shirofuku, Bokuto´s friend from college and a fellow architect. “Incredible. Would you like to have any of mine?”

Bokuto smiled at her proudly. “Thank you very much! But no, every project starting with me, continues with him, so yeah, more chances to go to see him!”

Yukie pulled her reddish brown hair into a half ponytail. “Well, good luck. He is nice, so it should not be a problem, even outside of working hours.”

“Eh?” Bokuto did not ask any more questions. But… was he the only one who got this cold treatment? Or was he simply misunderstanding the situation?

He couldn´t. Bokuto visited Akaashi every day on the roof like a clockwork at exactly 11 o´clock, right before the lunch. They didn´t talk much and Bokuto made a decision not to push.

When Akaashi asked: “Why are you spending your free time here with me?”

Bokuto shrugged. “I like your presence.”

And he really did. His aura was soothing, calm and somehow safe. Bokuto felt protected, even though Akaashi´s words and tone of his voice suggested something entirely different.

After such a long time, Akaashi gave him a short glance of understanding. “Okay.”

He was not the only one whose presence was very welcoming, no matter how hard he tried to deny it.

 

“You have an earring! How come I didn´t notice before!” Bokuto screamed after hours, when the two of them met in the kitchen, washing their mugs.

For Akaashi, it was everyday routine, for Bokuto, it was a chance to finally meet Akaashi somewhere else. And alone.

Even though it took another week or so.

“Yeah,” Akaashi said with a mild amusement, also irritation.

It seemed Bokuto noticed. “I… will go.” His shoulders slouched, the happy-go-lucky demeanor losing all of his composure.

Akaashi didn´t like the sight of his sadness. “Did you need anything? How is the new project going?” He  washed not only his mug, but Bokuto´s one as well. Akaashi smiled, there was a depiction of  a white owl and a black cat with two small, yellow and orange haired crows in a tight hug. 

Cute.

“Just…” Bokuto seemed to be thinking hard, asking himself if he should express what´s on his mind or not.

Akaashi raised his eyebrows in anticipation.

“Okay. I watched a documentary last night, mentioning how our decisions might create alternate universes, you know? Like…”

“You mean string theory?” Akaashi asked, giving cleaned mug back to his co-worker. “Yeah. Somewhere in the existence is another Bokuto-san and Akaashi Keiji, who never met. Or at least not here. Or they met, but don´t talk after office hours in the kitchen. I know about that.” He was ready to go home, when Bokuto´s light touch of the elbow stopped him.

“But, Akaaashi… don´t you think it´s awesome? In some other dimension, we might be… friends? Childhood friends? Or classmates? Teammates?”

“Enemies?”

“Akaaaashi!” Bokuto acted offended and shocked simultaneously. “But, yeah. That´s the gist of it.”

“I don´t believe in this Sorry, again.” Akaashi stood in between the doors, thinking. He should really ask Bokuto not to butcher his name this way.

He didn´t ask him, because he couldn´t.

He came to a realization, he might like it. It was different and it was… cute.

Dammit.

Then the question he so often asked himself filled the room with its´ hard-hitting atmosphere of denied truth.

“Akaashi. Do you believe in anything at all?”

Akaashi Keiji froze for a moment. “I don´t think so. Not anymore.” With that, he left.

Another question, lingering in his mind was, why had he even answered?  


	2. BULLETPROOF ARMOUR

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone believes in something.   
> Everyone.  
> If it´s a bus taking you to the desired stop,  
> Or a waiter bringing you the right order.  
> Everyone believes in something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ride continues...

Everyone believes in something.

Everyone.

If it´s a bus taking you to the desired stop,

Or a waiter bringing you the right order.

Everyone believes in something.

Something.

No matter how big,

How small,

How trivial,

How universal.

Everyone.

Believes.

In.

Something.

How come he did not?

 

* * *

 

 

Akaashi Keiji stopped believing in the trivial things of everyday life. That way, his expectations were always met, no matter what was going on. Lately, he started to believe there was one aspect of his life which would turn all of his non-beliefs upside down.

He hated it and loved it at the same time.

It was a challenge, it was a burden.

Akaashi Keiji had to do something about it. But did he want to?

When Bokuto Koutaro did not come to visit him on the roof for the next week , not even once, marking it the first time after many years, when his expectations were not met.

It made the forgotten worry in him roar.

He wasn´t ready to be scarred again.

 

* * *

 

 

How to speak with a non-believer?

How to find a common line?

How to show him he speaks lies?

How to encourage him, there is more to life?

 

* * *

 

 

“I haven´t seen him outside of the projects. Our last talk rubbed me the wrong way and… there is something hidden inside. I am afraid it has no point and our life ideologies are too different,” Bokuto explained via Skype to his best friend Kuroo Tetsurou, who beat him in another online game of Need For Speed. “Jeez, Kenma really groomed you, huh?”

Kuroo switched the game off and glared. It would be more menacing, if his dark, untamed hair weren´t standing all over the place. Bokuto was a bit jealous. He never had to style it, which was never ending dream of Bokuto, although, Kuroo wholeheartedly disagreed about this. Either way, his hairstyle,  was loved by everyone else and that was enough for both of them. “Man, I am sorry. I honestly thought it could work. He sounds like… he has some stuff to work through. I have no idea what might be the facade and what could be the real him, you know?”

“Exactly. I thought he might be my small mystery, to unwrap but… it´s tiring, you know? He is not so fun as Kenma was,” Bokuto admitted dejectedly. “And he really does not believe in anything. Anything, Tetsu, anything!” He exclaimed, utterly horrified.

His best friend hesitantly nodded. “I understand, my friend.” Frown spread all over his pretty face. “I know one just like that, as you are aware. It´s not easy, but… no matter what, it´s worth it.”

Bokuto shrugged. “Really? _You_ are telling me it´s worth it?”

After the long pause, Kuroo answered. “Yes. Tough, but worth it.”

“´Kay.”

 

Bokuto´s steps halted the moment he noticed him. Damn, this man is so pretty and for sure, he doesn´t even try, or realize how painful his prettiness is. Or he does and he uses it as a weapon. Aaah, Bokuto, get it together…  “Good morning.”

Not even a cloud of cigarette smoke could stop Bokuto in admiring the effortless beauty of Akaashi Keiji.

And when Akaashi Keiji smiled a little, Bokuto could melt forever, even in the cold weather. “Good morning.”

“Go out with me, please?” Bokuto barked unwittingly. Oh no, he thought, seconds later, after the  realization hit him. This didn´t happen just in his head, right?

Akaashi threw the cigarette away. “Thank you very much for your interest, Bokuto-san, but I can´t. See you later.” With that, his body disappeared in rotating door.

“F…” Bokuto immediately sent a text to Kuroo, all in caps. “I am screwed and not in a good way.”

 

As Akaashi stepped inside, he couldn´t stop thinking about the silver hair with black streaks, which might have been roots, actually. Hard to tell, with his eyebrows also silvery.

These things don´t matter. They don´t.  There was something making Akaashi feel insecure. He could feel it materializing. Something was changing, he was unable to figure out the source, the reason.

He shut the door, hoping Kaori would be late. Akaashi urgently needed some alone time, a  couple of seconds in necessary silence.

“Bokuto Koutaro. One son of a b…”

Akaashi Keiji smiled again.

Then his eyes found something surprising. Facebook page he hardly used once a month, if he remembered he had it, showed him a picture of two very well-known people.

His eyes watered with the sign of upcoming tears.

No, he won´t let it happen again.

But this could have been them. And it is not.

And he missed them. He missed them so much.

It was his fault… no. No, it couldn´t be. It wasn´t his fault, he did everything he could. He cared, he fought, he…

Then he remembered Koutaro´s question.

Do you believe in anything at all?

 

“Can anybody find meee… somebody to looove…” Bokuto sang out loud as he stood by the printer on the third floor.

Akaashi stopped in approaching the same room. Is he ready to speak to him? He would be, but there was no way of knowing what crazy concepts he might pull out this time. “Goo…”

Then he heard another voice, belonging to their co-worker from economic department. “Love at first sight? I don´t know. Maybe infatuation and that´s it.”

“So… not even fate?” Bokuto asked with a hope in his voice. “I guess you are right. You can´t really love someone if you don´t know them, right? But what about a weird pull you feel when it´s not just an attraction?” Bokuto wasn´t giving up.

Konoha, man for everything regarding finances, answered. “Hm, hard to tell. If you think it is worth to pursue something, then go for it. Figure everything else later.”

“Eh… you don´t even care about the potential of a broken heart?” Bokuto was really into the conversation.

“Anyone and anything can break your heart. And it will. But one day, you will meet something or someone who will repair it and give it a new life. Then you will know it was all worth it.” Konoha took his papers. “You might even learn a thing or two about yourself while going through the process. But who really knows, right?”

Bokuto laughed and slapped his shoulder. “Man, you are such a sap.”

“Am I wrong, though?” Konoha asked seriously.

Bokuto still laughed, but nodded. “I decide to believe you.”

“Good.” Konoha left without giving Akaashi any glance at all, though he certainly saw him. “And you, Keiji?”

Bokuto´s head shot out of the room, exited to see his favorite co-worker. “Oh, you are here! I was asking Konoha if he believes in love at first…”

“No.”  Akaashi´s answer was strict “I don´t believe in love.”

“Oh.” Bokuto said nothing more. He made copies of some layout and left silently.

What was that feeling Akaashi had for someone he hardly knew? Also, Akaashi should not be the one getting Bokuto´s mood down, quite the opposite.

Akaashi felt regret burning his body from head to toes.

Regret spread even more, when Bokuto hasn´t come to see him even for work related stuff. Somehow,  Akaashi was not able to enjoy his cigarettes, so his puff breaks got shorter and  fewer.

But he never missed the break on the roof at  11 o´clock.

Just to be sure.

Akaashi remembered what it meant to love someone unconditionally, with everything you had., giving it all It was the best and the worst experience in the world.

Especially without the happy ending.

Not that he wasn´t ready to love again, he just didn´t want to.

He wasn´t so sure if he, truly, didn´t believe.

As he threw away another burned out cigarette, his memories flooded him.

_“Please, come out with me. Please, it will be fun, I promise. And if you won´t feel well, we will come back. I will protect you.”_

_“No, thank you. I´d rather stay here today.”_

_“But you say it all the time.Just once, please… compromise?”_

_“No, thank you, really, love. Please.”_

_“Okay.”_

_“Thank you.”_

_They kissed, they made love, they lived and they thrived._

“Maybe I should have gone out that day with him,”  Akaashi thought with more regrets flooding his already regretful heart.

 

* * *

 

 

Music can heal you.

You can heal others with your music.

You can play,

You can compose.

Music is here to strive for souls,

Souls are here to devour the music.

I played, but not for you.

Never.

Ever.

And I am sorry.

Maybe I should have.

Maybe it would heal us.

Maybe it can create Us.

 

* * *

 

 

Akaashi Keiji sat in front of his old piano, he hasn´t played for such a long time. He tried, time and time again, failing.  Out-of-the-tune piano didn´t stop him from trying anew.

It did not sound good. There was no inspiration, no emotion he could use.

Then the thought of Bokuto Koutaro came to mind. Akaashi played first tones. Weird. He could continue, at least for a bit, but the piano keys weren´t ready for any type of playing. He gathered his tools and started with tuning, when the incoming text message beeped.

Kozume Kenma.

Akaashi´s eyes widened. No. He will not speak to him, he will not answer. Why did he even think he could…

No. Akaashi wasn´t holding it against him, because it wasn´t Kenma´s fault. Not entirely. He was genuinely happy for him. This silly habit has to stop.

Another beep came, this time longer and more annoying. Akaashi rolled his eyes. Of course, these two would call him right now.

“Yes, Suga?”

“Keijiiiii!” shouted Oikawa´s voice from the distance, before Suga could even say hi.

Akaashi separated the phone from his ear and waited for Sugawara to speak. “Sorry about that. How are you doing? I sent you an email, then I called and texted, but nothing. Tooru, stop it, or I kick you out.”

“How is the new roommating going?” Akaashi asked, trying to differ the attention away from him.

Sugawara Koushi inhaled and exhaled. “Oikawa, stop it or… it´s going greeeat,” Suga answered with the sweetest voice he could muster. “This was Daichi´s idea and honestly… well, Akaashi. How are you? And don´t try to diverse the conversation, okay?”

Akaashi sighed heavily. “Well, I am fine. Actually, I am trying to play again. Then there is… this guy…” What could go wrong with talking about Bokuto Koutaro, right? Without using his name, of course. Maybe they could help him.

As he finished, the other side got quiet. “Guys? Are you still there?”

It was Oikawa Tooru, who answered. “Do you even hear yourself?”

“What do you mean?” Akaashi didn´t understand.

“I need to meet this Silver hair-chan. He sounds like a…”

“That´s enough,” Sugawara interrupted. “But Akaashi, Tooru is… he is right. You sound different, when speaking about him.”

Akaashi was not going to comment. That could not be true. He just wanted to complain, nothing more. His hand took out a cigarette as a force of habit.

“If you are smoking right now, I will come and kill you before the cigarettes could!” Tooru scolded, as if he saw what Keiji is doing.

“Oh my God… these bullshits will be the death of me, I swear…” Sugawara exclaimed, then regained his composure. “Look, Keiji. I have no idea who this co-worker of yours is, but he sounds like a nice and sweet guy who wants to be your friend, at least. And it might be worth a try, don´t you think?”

“And I am always right!” Tooru added.

Keiji frowned. He so wished he could tell them off, but he couldn´t. Their voices were articulating the truth. His eyes focused on the piano, the black and white keys having so much more to say if the owner gave them a chance.

As they finished the call, about nothing, practically, Akaashi also finished the tuning.

Then he played until he could play no more.

Until he could through the waterfalls of tears no more.

 

“Kuroo, stop, please. I don´t want to talk about this anymore, it confuses me,” Bokuto said as truthfully as he could. Not that he didn´t want to talk about it, he simply had nothing more to say. Akaashi Keiji came into his life as a storm unwilling to stop. Bokuto was whirling right in the middle of it, helplessly and hopelessly, with no way out.

Kuroo Tetsurou dried his hair with the towel, which resulted in a couple of drops falling onto his webcam. “This sucks, man. Do you want to talk about something else? Kenma bought a new game!” He moved the camera to get Kenma into the view. Petite man was sitting on the bed with his legs crossed, hair too long falling down his face, with the rest of it tight in a ponytail falling close to his hips. They were  dark brown with one blond streak shining from the right. His fingers were intensely pushing the buttons, his face expressing readiness to win at any cost.  While he played, there was no care in this world for him. Well, there was one care, which was now sitting in front of the computer.

Kozume Kenma stopped playing after he realized how silent the surroundings were. With Bokuto and Kuroo, it was never silent. “Idle talks could kill, you know?” Was all he said,before he resumed the game.

“You heard the man,” Kuroo said with a mouth pursed in a thin line.

Bokuto messed with his already messy air. “Yeah. Well, at least I can dream about him as much as I can.”

“No! Ew!” Kuroo shouted, acting disgusted.

“That´s not what I meant!” Bokuto exclaimed, giving up the explanation.

Idle talks could kill.

 

Friendships are something Bokuto cherished the most. So, the friendship was the route he should have taken in a first place. He got so taken by the beauty and grace of Akaashi, it made him forget the most important essence of the world.

Even though he liked how Akaashi looked, it wasn´t the first thing that attracted him. If he was to be honest, it also wasn´t the last thing.

Akaashi´s cold demeanor was something full of many layers Bokuto got interested in. He never met someone so cool, calm and collected. The first time they had a project together, which was just two months ago, Bokuto was worried. Akaashi was so professional, Bokuto thought he hated him. He was paranoid, Akaashi was just trying to do the best job he could. 

Later, he came to understand Akaashi as something a lot more, and when he forgot to put his guard up fully,  he got even more impressive.

Bokuto was washing his hands in the bathroom, when he tried to remember how to use the PowerPoint on his computer. How could he forget? He used it just a week ago and… “Oops, sorry!” He said, accidentally bumping into someone. “Akaashi, I didn´t see you there!”

“I noticed,” Akaashi deadpanned. “I stood here for about a minute.”

Bokuto´s eyes lit up. “Really?!”

Akaashi smiled a little. “It´s fine.”

“Well, since we see each other again, how are you doing? Is the project going fine? I have a problem with powerpoint, there is that conference we are going to and…” His speech got cut, when he noticed Akaashi in the mirror.

“I would like to pee in a quiet, thank you.”

They were still looking at each other through the mirror images of themselves. Bokuto knew he was being scrutinized. He lowered his head, slouched the shoulders and went for the door.

 

* * *

 

 

I could not resist those eyes.

They felt like the whole world was watching.

Not just him.

Not just us.

Everything.

Everyone.

And nothing.

No one.

 

* * *

 

 

“Would you like to have lunch with me today, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi could not bear seeing him like this. Sad Bokuto was not a very good Bokuto. And not a very good Bokuto was an even worse architect. If Akaashi wanted to get home on time, he needed to have him in the best shape possible. “Is 12 o´clock fine?”

Bokuto´s face was full of smiles and stars. “Yes, see you then!”

Akaashi stood there all alone, looking at his own reflection. “What am I getting myself into?”

 

The lunch happened at the same place as the first time they went out together. Akaashi was a creature of habit, so he ordered salad with chicken, mustard dressing and rape seeds with the garlic bread on the side, for Bokuto, who was for sure going to be still hungry after finishing his meal full of meat.

While waiting, Akaashi was the one to start the conversation. “So tell me more about those alternate universes of yours. What do you think you might be doing in some of those?”

Bokuto stopped moving. It was like he got frozen in time, which confused the hell out of the man named Akaashi Keiji.  “Sorry, what? No, no, we can talk about something you want to talk about, ya know, your topic… some book, or…”

“Have you read any good books lately?” Akaashi asked curiously.

“No,” admitted Bokuto with red face.

“And do you want to?” Akaashi expected rejection.

“Yes, if you have some good recommendation. We could talk about it together later, but I am not a  very fast reader. Not because I can´t, but because I like to enjoy my books. And… I get distracted very easily,” he added in a whisper.

Akaashi was surprised how the corner of his mouth tried to get up again. Bokuto-san really did not meet his expectations. “Okay. I will bring something tomorrow. Now, please, as I asked before. If you´d like to.”

Suddenly, Akaashi wanted to hear so much more about things Bokuto liked.

And maybe, somewhere out there, he had a better story to tell, when it came to love.

 

Akaashi was leaving late again. Not because he had a lot of work to do, because he and Bokuto got stuck in lunch for more than three hours. Which meant they had to squeeze those three hours into the evening.

“It´s dark already,” mumbled Bokuto, leaving the building side by side.

Akaashi inspected the skies. They were clear,the moon was shining like its life depended on it.

“It´s beautiful,” Bokuto added dreamily.

“Yes, it is,” Akaashi agreed, not knowing Bokuto was gazing right at his profile. “Actually, I love night time. You can live genuinely, when the darkness falls. And it´s usually the time, when the truth comes out.”

Bokuto sighed loudly. “The truth is, I am not bulletproof.”

“What?” Akaashi finally lowered his gaze to him.

“You spoke about truth. I may appear tough and strong, but I am not bulletproof.”

Akaashi put his hands into the pockets of his long coat making him look like a vampire, as Bokuto once mentioned. The high collar with white and yellow scarf did not help his case. “Yeah, I am not bulletproof either.” It was the first real truth he said to someone, after so much time of denying it. Maybe this was the first time he said it, ever, which made him shiver.

“Are you cold?” Bokuto said softly.

“No.”

“You know,” Bokuto continued as they walked towards the car park. “I may not be bulletproof, but at least I am not wearing an armor around myself, my heart and soul, or even mind.” He tapped his temples.

Akaashi took out the car keys. “Yeah?”

Bokuto smiled. “I think it´s good, actually. You keep yourself from getting hurt, which is not my case, since I can´t be like this. But it also keeps you from being… happy. Or loved, or I don´t know what. Oh, I keep saying you, but I mean it, like, eh, globally, you know? For anyone who says, they…”

“Bokuto-san, I understand.” Akaashi patted his shoulder lightly. “Good night. It was nice spending the most of the day with you.”

 

* * *

 

 

It was the sadness pulling him closer.

He wanted to wipe it away,

To hold his tears,

To take his pain,

Help him not to feel the fear.

 

* * *

 

 

Bokuto Koutaro drove home, enjoying the moon and the night and the cold weather.

He was ready to take the sadness away.

As a friend.

As a lover.

Or even as a co-worker, if he wouldn´t be allowed to become anything else.

But he was not bulletproof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, please, take care of yourself and see you next chapter! Feedback always appreciated, now let´s spread our love for our Haikyuu boys :)


	3. BROKEN ARROW

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am suddenly consumed by you,  
> How did you do it?  
> Are you a wizard?  
> Or a dark witch?  
> So, who are you?  
> And who am I with you?  
> Can I really try?  
> Or should I ask, if you can try too?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Those waiting for more Kuroo and Kenma, they will be present ina bigger manner in the next chapter, but I hope you´ll like this one, I treasure some of the moments I wrote so much :) Enjoy :)

The tuxedo fit him perfectly. Akaashi carefully packed it inside of his hand luggage, ready to board the plane. He wasn´t willing to comprehend why he was the one appointed as a companion. The city was a mystery to him, as was the conference itself. He didn´t pry, but got curious. Akaashi was the odd choice, but Bokuto Koutaro was even odder.

The company sent them as representatives for the Architecture conference, with Bokuto as one of the speakers. Through the process of boarding the plane, Akaashi turned to him. “Do you know, why me?”

He watched Bokuto fiddling with the tassels of his sweatshirt. “Um… I asked for you?”

Akaashi wasn´t surprised when he learned that Bokuto was the sole reason behind this.

“Are you angry?”

“No,” Akaashi answered honestly, holding his hands together. “I think you should have asked Yukie.”

“I did,” Bokuto mumbled. “Unavailable.”

Something inside of Akaashi stirred. “Okay.”

The flight was short and pleasant, as was the hotel they were checking in.

“Yeah, I booked separate bedrooms, of course, but they are connected by the common room. I hope you don´t mind, there is just one bathroom. I figured you wouldn´t like us to be in the same room, you know…” Bokuto was rambling on, not giving Akaashi a chance to interrupt him.

He reached for him, touching his hard shoulder. Akaashi raised a brow, questioning the move. Bokuto stopped working. “Thank you for the consideration, Bokuto-san. This is just a business trip, why would I mind?” Akaashi appreciated his thought process, but no way in hell is would he admit it out loud.

“Neat!” Bokuto was back in his shining as a sun mood, working properly.. Akaashi turned around and smiled fully. This was a nice change of pace. “Oh, I have to warn you,” Bokuto said, stepping on the staircase, “I am a very open person, so if I´ll do something weird, just tell me.” He continued walking and Akaashi just stared.

Something weird? What does that mean?

He learned that very soon.

Bokuto jumped into the shower, Akaashi started unpacking. After finishing with his own luggage, which wasn´t much, he automatically started with Bokuto´s suitcase. There were some casual shirts that had a very familiar design. Akaashi shivered, for some unknown reason, they reminded him of his ex-boyfriend.

Actually, as Akaashi thought about it, Bokuto was a bit similar to him. Those ways were small, but present.

Akaashi closed his eyes and put the shirts away. He couldn´t allow himself to think like this.

“Yo, Akaashi, do you want to join me?” Bokuto asked jokingly, which thankfully, Akaashi understood immediately.

“No, thank you, Bokuto-san.” Akaashi shook his head. How long was he going to stay there?

As Bokuto came out, he shouted Akaashi´s name. He had no idea he was in his room helping with his things. And as Akaashi´s luck or fate would have it, Bokuto came in, wearing only a towel around his hips.

Akaashi did not move. “I just… wanted to help. I should have told you.”

“No,” Bokuto gulped loudly. “I would never unpack it myself, which you figured out already, as I see. And I hope you know I was joking with the…”

“I know. Please, dress now, Bokuto-san, I will leave.”

Bokuto looked horrified. “Yeah, this is what I was talking about in the lobby. I am… I don´t care about being seen naked, so that´s why…”

“I know you worry, Bokuto-san. Please, don´t. I am not offended.” Akaashi walked by him closer, than was necessary. He turned around once more, to catch a glimpse of his back muscles, and wet hair, even more compelling when faling down.

There was also something else he noticed, which caught him by surprise.

His back was covered in a big tattoo of a black and white dragon, with soft, yellow eyes.

Akaashi turned away the moment Bokuto let the towel fall, believing his co-worker already left.

“I am fucked,” Akaashi mumbled, as he closed the door of his room and picked up the phone. “Sugawara? I am so fucked.”

“Literally, or figuratively?” Suga asked with a mouth full of something crunchy. “Because if literally, I don´t think you should be calling me.”

“Haha, very funny, Suga.” Akaashi sat on the floor. “He has a very similar tattoo as him. It´s creepy.”

Sugawara stopped chewing. “You loved that tattoo.”

“Exactly. I am so doomed.” Akaashi sighed. “Is Tooru there?”

“Do you want him to be?”

Tooru´s voice echoed. “He is here! Tooru is here!”

“Just… I really think I am starting to like him for who he is, not for who he sometimes reminds me of, but… how can I be sure?” Akaashi was afraid of potential panic attack.

That´s when Tooru came in. “When did you start liking him?”

“When he showed interest in… my interests, I guess?” Akaashi remembered the book he lent him, Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. He did not believe Bokuto would read it, or at least finish it. He tried and that was enough.

Tooru nodded, even though Akaashi could not see that. “There is your answer. He can´t be and won´t be the only one who will have something in common with your ex.”

Sugawara vehemently agreed and added: “Don´t forget, our Tooru is very intuitive. It never failed, right?”

“Yes.” With that, Akaashi let his phone be. “So, Bokuto-san,” he said, meeting in the common room on the couch, “are we going? It starts soon.”

 

 

 

“Akaaashi, do you see it? So many people, I want to get to know all of them, come on!” Bokuto dragged him by the sleeve everywhere he saw anything “new and shiny”.

“See that guy? He is one of the best modern architects, I can´t wait for his presentation, he has the opening lecture in my segment!”

“And there!”

“Bokuto-san, calm down, please. People seem to be a bit disturbed,” Akaashi scolded him kindly.

They stopped in front of the hallway leading towards the rooms 4 and 6, which interested Bokuto the most. “You are right, Akaaashi, I have to be more presentable.” He put on his serious face.

It rubbed Akaashi the wrong way, it didn´t entirely fit him. “Bokuto-san, please, be yourself, just take other people into an account when being excited, right?”

Bokuto nodded enthusiastically. “You are right!”

As they watched first presentations, Bokuto whispered: “Look at the colors! How beautiful, this one really puts an emphasis on the design.”

“Yes, Bokuto-san, very beautiful.”

“And that one, look…” Some heads turned to them.

Akaashi tilted his hand closer to Bokuto. “Please, you are agitating others.” He noticed Bokuto´s disappointed pout. “Look, I will scoop a bit closer so you don´t have to be so loud, okay? I can hear you better now.”

There was no need for that after two more presentations. Bokuto got totally immersed in the topics other people exhibited. Akaashi saw him absorbed like this only at times, when working on their joint projects. When he was all in, he was truly all in. Happy and content.

Akaashi loved, how much passion Bokuto had for his job. Who knows what else is he so eager about? Akaashi was curious, especially seeing his almost naked body today. Maybe crossfit? Gym?

The coffee break was short and as always, full of Bokuto´s antics. He adored everything, from decorations to food and drinks. Akaashi could not believe how many people was he able to address and exchange contacts with.

So this was Bokuto Koutaro in a full swing.

Cute.

“Akaashi?” Bokuto asked, returning to their hotel rooms.

“Hm?”

“After seeing those power point presentations, I think I have to rework mine… could you, please… help me? Today?”

Akaashi nodded. “Of course. But I don´t think it´s bad.” When he saw the explosion of colors, pictures and too many words crammed into one slide, he changed his mind. “I think I was wrong.”

“I know,” Bokuto recognized honestly. “I wish for it to be interesting. This is my first active participation and…”

“It´s okay, Bokuto-san. I am here now. Let´s do this.” Akaashi didn´t spare him one more look.

If he did, he would get too distracted.

“I think it´s done.” Akaashi reclined on the sofa, twiddling his eyes, yawning. “Do you remember all the changes? Do you have enough time for every point you want to mention and elaborate on? There are ten minutes for speaking, five minutes for questions from the audience. Powerpoint needs only certain keywords, maybe a couple of short sentences. I kept some of the pictures, but that´s it. Good?”

Bokuto agreed. “Thank you so much. Although, it misses colors and…”

“Trust me,” Akaashi interrupted him. “This will be just fine.”

As he left, Bokuto thought to himself: “It´s great, but I am not sure it´s me”.

 

* * *

 

 

I am suddenly consumed by you,

How did you do it?

Are you a wizard?

Or a dark witch?

So, who are you?

And who am I with you?

Can I really try?

Or should I ask, if you can try too?

 

* * *

 

 

Akaashi got up around five o´clock to go for a quick run. Running was part of the activities he loved to do alone, but this day was different. He looked for Bokuto-san to ask him if he would like to join him. His co-worker was nowhere to be found.

 

  

They missed each other in, narrowly 15 minutes. Bokuto-san couldn´t sleep, so he went for a quick jog at about four thirty. After coming back, he fell asleep again, until the phone call woke him up.

He opened his eyes with thoughts focused on Akaashi, his soft hands touching the keyboards, his kind voice walking him through the changes he made, his loving eyes looking at the splash of colors slowly disappearing from in front of him.

“Yes?” Bokuto asked after the third time his phone started ringing.

“Good luck,” said tired, almost silent voice. “From me and from Kuroo. He still hasn´t woken up.”

“Let me guess, Kenma. You are awake from about three o´clock, right?”

“Maybe,” Kenma said, yawning. “Do you have everything ready?”

Bokuto hesitated. “Yeah. My co-worker helped me with the presentation. You were right about the way of doing it. But… it doesn´t feel like me, you know? Too black and white.”

“Colors!” raspy voice mumbled. “It needs colors…” Said voice got replaced by snoring.

Kenma sighed. “Kuroo says hi.”

Then it got quiet.

Bokuto understood its meaning. Kenma said everything he could and wanted to say. “Thank you, I will call when I´m done!”

This time it was Bokuto who had the pleasure seeing Akaashi almost naked. “If you don´t mind, I don´t mind,” he said flatly, missing the silver earring.

Bokuto coughed. “I certainly don´t mind.”

Before Akaashi closed the door to his room, he asked: “Do you have something you want to say?”

“How did you know? Are you a seer?” Bokuto asked with a serious face.

“Yes,” Akaashi replied with an even more serious expression.

Bokuto frowned.

“I can feel it, Bokuto-san. If you need anything, just tell me.”

“After I take a shower,” Bokuto agreed.

They had some time before the breakfast, so they sat down to work a bit more.

Akaashi noticed both of their hair were still wet. Why was he noticing such insignificant things? Not that he minded… He just hoped Bokuto would have enough time to style it the way he likes to. Akaashi grew fond of it.

He wanted to touch it, wet or dry, or even bald.

“So you want more colors.” Akaashi clicked through the slides and nodded. “You are right. This is your work, so we should do it your way.”

“But presentable in front of other people, you know?” Bokuto said a bit worried.

Akaashi patted him on the back. “Calm down, Bokuto-san. This is all good.”

His touch brought Bokuto to a halt. He was sure his brain wouldn´t be able to start working again, but somehow, by some miracle, he managed.

 

 

 

Golden eyed man was visibly nervous. Akaashi felt nervous for him, not because he didn´t believe in him. Oh no, he knew very well he can do it, if he could find his calm place and stopped anguishing about what others would think.

That´s when Akaashi got up and moved to the front, so they were closer to each other. He bore his sight into Bokuto, then his presentation, holding thumbs up, having the widest smile his face was able to create. He mouthed “You got it”.

Bokuto started.

It was Akaashi who got caught in an awe.

Bokuto was speaking really fast, but with clear thoughts coming out of his mouth. His hands motioned a lot, mimics of his face said even more than his words. His eyes told everyone how happy he was to be standing there.

He may have been nervous, but this was his stage and he outshined everyone and everything.

Akaashi was swept away in the same way as the listeners.

When it was time for the questions to be asked, Bokuto´s nervousness showed a little.

That´s when his eyes found Akaashi one more time. For that short moment, it felt like it was just the two of them. Akaashi gasped in a surprise, getting lost in the short moment they shared.

He slightly nodded and Bokuto gave all the answers he could. The applause was a bit louder than for anyone who came before, or after.

Akaashi felt proud, Bokuto deserved everything he got.

In the end, it was him who practiced by himself inside of his room, thinking Akaashi couldn´t possibly hear him.

 

 

 

Bokuto´s heart couldn´t slow down and didn´t want to slow down. It was a dream and a nightmare tangled in one giant, horrifying web of nervousness.

His presentation became everything he wanted it to be, but what about speaking? So many people in front of him with a big stage under him. It wasn´t like he didn´t experience something similar before, albeit in different context.

And he wasn´t alone even this time. Why was he so terrified?

His senses noticed a slight movement in the crowd of people waiting. Akaashi Keiji moved to the front row, giving him all the support he could.

For Bokuto, the crowd transformed.

There were no other people, just him and Akaashi. Everyone else disappeared. Bokuto spoke and spoke, until his mouth got dry, but he didn´t stop.

They asked questions, which busted the bubble Bokuto was in. Surprisingly, he didn´t mind, and didn´t care.

 

 

 

“You really should stop with this, you know? You look hot holding a cigarette, but… health, ya know?” Bokuto said as they took a walk after a whole day of listening to the lectures. “Not that it´s any of my business. Actually, maybe I should try it. Maybe I´ll understand why you like it so much!”

Akaashi gave him a scolding look. “Don´t. It doesn´t taste nice.”

“Then why…”

“Don´t know,” Akaashi admitted to the night, darkness being shot through by the brightest moonlight he encountered. The reason might have been the mountains, they were holding the conference at. The hotel was surrounded by the green grass, even greener trees and fresh, mountain air. The weather was colder, only for light jackets needed.

Akaashi felt fast movement by his side. Bokuto started running. Before Akaashi could call out his name, the tall, huge man sat on a swing. “I love playgrounds. They just don´t make them for adults. It is so much fun.”

Akaashi squeezed the hand holding the cigarette. He took a few steps back and threw it into the trash bin. “You shouldn´t. You might break it.”

Bokuto´s smile turned into a frown.

“Come on. Dinner is probably being served.”

Akaashi solved the mystery of Bokuto Koutaro. It was his innocence that made him so appealing. His pure soul of an adult child with a big sense of responsibility, admiration and devotion.

And if Bokuto became devoted to something, or someone, you became the biggest winner in this world, in this life.

At least that´s what Akaashi felt, while being around him.

He loved that.

He also loved being alone, which he so desperately needed. Bokuto understood and decided to go for a swim in the hotel pool. Akaashi hesitated for a while, thinking about joining him. No, he really needed his space.

They parted ways in the lobby at about nine o´clock. Akaashi was caught off guard, seeing how almost no one was around. They were either tired, or in the pool with Bokuto.

Then he saw it.

The little red room full of music instruments.

Akaashi stepped in, after confirming with the receptionist he is allowed to do so. His sight spotted the beautiful black piano with wings opening as a bird hunting its prey.

This time, he felt no hesitation.

His spirit felt high, and his heart seemed lighter.

First tones were like a honey for his sickness. The lullaby was spreading all around him, as a growing aura that widened with every new tone and chord played. It spread slowly, taking in everyone who needed it. The lullaby changed into a rock ballad, which transformed into a jazz piece, missing only a soothing voice that would sing along with him.

Akaashi had no idea how long he played, he had an even smaller idea, if anyone listened. He certainly hoped not, but for that moment, it didn´t matter.

While playing, for the first time in months, his thoughts were as clear as spring water. He got up and heard the small gasp and unsure clap.

“That was… beautiful.” Bokuto stood in the door frame, all wet and covered in hotel bathrobe.

Akaashi´s face reddened, his heart beat faster and hands trembled. His heart felt light and heavy at the same time. No.

He ran. There was a loud bang of something breaking. From the corner of the eye, it looked like an ashtray made of glass. None of the staff tried to stop him, so he continued on.

He ran as fast as he could, but even in a flip-flops, Bokuto was faster. His hand gripped him by an elbow. “I am sorry, I should have kept quiet, but I had no idea it was you playing.”

Akaashi stopped running. “No, you couldn´t have known. I… I am not running because of you.Not exactly.”

They shared a look. “If you need some time, just say it, but I am staying with you. It´s dangerous.”

Akaashi shook his head. “You are all wet, Bokuto-san. We don´t want you to catch cold now, do we?”

“No,” Bokuto mumbled and followed his friend.

 

* * *

 

 

The fate may bring you together,

But it´s you, who decides if you want that fate to become a reality.

You may find similar things in life,

For sure, you will find different things in every day.

Someone might surprise you,

Someone might disappoint.

Just think about what you look for,

What you want,

What you need.

One person may have just the missing part.

Another person might have it all.

Just look.

They might stand in front of you,

Behind you,

Right beside you.

They might reside in the past,

Wait in the future,

See you in the present.

They might not be around at all.

But look.

You will find them.

You.

Will.

Find.

It.

 

* * *

 

 

Bokuto had to make up for his mistake that wasn´t a mistake at all. It certainly felt like it, so he decided. He was very much tempted to call Kuroo and Kenma for advice, only realizing he might screw things up even more.

Well, any outcome would be probably horrendous. That is why he took out the back up plan from his backpack.

“Are we really going to play cards?” Akaashi asked with a lightness in his voice. Finally. “I think I might prefer board games. Monopoly and such. I can get very passionate about that one.”

Bokuto blinked. Akaashi and passionate about something? He had to see that. “Well, I will bring traveling Monopoly next time, then.”

“Good,” Akaashi said with a challenge in his bored looking eyes. Was he bored? Bokuto often couldn´t tell. “Um, aren´t you going to change first?” His finger pointed to Bokuto´s bathrobe.

“Oh, yes, thank you.” Bokuto entered his room without closing the door.

Akaashi was too curious, especially about the dragon on his back. Is it okay to ask him about it? No. That´s overstepping the boundaries.

As if Bokuto heard him, he said: “I don´t know if you noticed, but this tattoo,” he moved closer to the door, “see? It hurt as hell when I got it, but I love it so much.”

Why is he telling him this?

Bokuto chuckled. “I can see you watching me in the reflection of the window.”

Akaashi frowned, but didn´t move. “I was just curious.”

“That´s fine.” Bokuto came back, dressed in pajama pants only. What a day, Akaashi thought with a desperation. “I am also curious. Any tattoos?”

Akaashi´s heart started beating faster, again. It made him so tired. “Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

“Yes,” Akaashi answered quickly. He pulled down his shirt, baring the chest with a simple letter K close to his heart.

Bokuto swallowed loudly, without asking any questions burning inside his throat.

“May I?” Akaashi inquired, obviously unsure if he should. “The dragon.”

“Of course.” Bokuto didn´t have any care in the world, so he just sat down, turning his back to Akaashi.

Then he touched him.

Lightning shot through Bokuto´s body.

 

 

 

Arrow got Akaashi right into his chest.

It wasn´t the first time something like this happened. That arrow got deeper with every move of his fingers, tracing the outline of the tattoo.

He should stop, but his mind, his heart and his body didn´t let him.

Bokuto turned around, trying to say something, when Akaashi kissed him.

Light kiss turned into deeper emotion, not one of them could describe. The softness changed into a passion, hardiness and resilience.

Their heartbeats connected in a matter of seconds.

Akaashi couldn´t believe what was happening. That arrow was deepening. He touched him again. His muscular arms, fallen hair, which were so soft and fitting. Bokuto gasped a little. Akaashi liked the sound of his moans with every touch, every lick on Bokuto´s body.

They both shrugged, Bokuto in his pajama pants, Akaashi still fully clothed.

Akaashi was ready to take on the world, when Bokuto grasped his wrist lightly, pushing it away.

“I don´t think you want this, Akaashi. Not really.”

“Bokuto-san,” Akaashi whispered. “I want to…”

“What do you want? To forget?”

 

  

Bokuto wanted him very, very much, but for the right reasons, mutually. He knew very well he was going to fall asleep with the thought of Akaashi on his mind and not just that, but… This wasn´t the right way. They both knew it. Bokuto also knew he would regret it later, at least a little bit.

“You are right, Bokuto-san. This was my fault.” Akaashi got up and bowed.

“Nah. We are both at fault. And I am too handsome, you know? Who can blame you.” Bokuto smiled and added, “You wouldn´t like yourself, or me after waking up by my side in the morning. Well, not today.”

 

  

Akaashi watched him go, knowing he was right. But, did he doubt the words that just came out of his mouth?

The arrow in his soul broke as an ashtray that fell down in the lobby. It broke, but not as an arrow, piercing his heart once already, years ago. This was repairable, ready to try again.

Before Kotarou closed the door, he asked: “Who broke your heart so much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your attention, feedback always appreciated :)


	4. BLUE ASHTRAY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It hurt,” Akaashi admitted another year later. “It hurts,” he corrected himself, almost crying. “It hurts so much and all of you are at fault.” These were his last words in front of the train towards Kozume Kenma, as the rain started falling down, burying his words in the loud noise.

The question persistently stood between them as a spell. “Who broke your heart so much?” Akaashi was getting ready for work, when his phone rang.

Kozume Kenma, said the display again and again. He really should answer, for old times sake. His finger swiped to pick up, being just a second late. Kenma hung up and didn´t try again. Akaashi´s chin fell to his chest. This wasn´t good.

 

 

The memory of their first meeting was fresh as a morning dew of a spring in its full swing. Akaashi had his first day of uni waiting in front of him. The train he was taking was full of students, either too eager to start, or too bothered to go back again.

Akaashi didn´t belong to any of those groups. He entered the coach and looked for a free space. His ride was supposed to take about thirty minutes, so he chose his seat carefully.

Bingo.

The man with a dark long hair and blonde ends sat by the window, focusing on the display of the game his fingers were clutching.

“Excuse me, please, may I sit down?” Akaashi asked, holding a book.

Young man didn´t bother to look up, just nodded.

They saw each other on the second day, then the third one. After a week, this turned into a habit.They were first years, both attending the same university, different faculties. “How come you don´t live at the dorms?” Akaashi asked a month later, when they decided they actually like to talk to each other.

Kenma shrugged. “I didn´t get one and… I like living with my friends.”

“Me too,” Akaashi agreed without elaborating on it. “Can I watch you play?”

Kenma nodded. “Will you tell me about your book, while I play?”

Akaashi also nodded.

 _“Love is too strong of a word._ I am not sure I can believe in something like that,” Kenma said, year and a half later.

“Oh, that´s a shame. I do believe in love. It´s tough, but so worth it.” Akaashi was looking outside the window, not giving up any emotions in his face. Also, he never would have guessed there would be a time that him and Kenma would talk about really important topics.

“Maybe.” Kenma´s disinterest was noticeable.

“Maybe you haven´t found the right person,” Akaashi murmured.

Kenma´s eyes darkened. “Maybe.”

 _“It hurt,” Akaashi admitted another year later_. “It hurts,” he corrected himself, almost crying. “It hurts so much and all of you are at fault.” These were his last words in front of the train towards Kozume Kenma, as the rain started falling down, burying his words in the loud noise.

Kenma watched him go.

 

 

Akaashi ran. That was the first time he did just that - ran away from his problems. The burning tears in his eyes mingled with the rain. His broken heart screamed, leaving the soul pierced with a shattered arrow, unwilling to get out.

His breath hitched. Once, second time, third time.

Then he stopped breathing. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn´t inhale.

_He dropped to his knees._

Someone knocked on the window of his car, which made Akaashi remember to inhale. How long was he sitting there?

“Akaaaashi, answer me!” Bokuto yelled with the tears in his eyes.

Akaashi opened the door, coming out, falling into Bokuto´s arms. “I am alright, I just… got lost in my thoughts, ” he said out loud, even though he wanted to stay quiet.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes. It is now.” Akaashi straightened up and walked towards the door as if nothing happened.

Bokuto followed him quietly, unsure what to do.

 

 

Kenma hid in the closet. His own breath was failing him. Why was this happening? Why wasn´t he answering? He told him the truth. He told him everything, so why is it still continuing?

“Kenma?” asked the loveliest voice he ever heard.

He knocked twice from the inside.

Kuroo knew right away. He opened the closet, sat by Kenma´s side and closed the door. “May I?” He asked, as he put his arms around his shoulders.

“He really does hate me, doesn´t he?” Kenma mumbled.

“No. He couldn´t. It wasn´t your fault. We will… I will figure it out.” He kissed his forehead and rocked him, until the anxiety passed.

 

 

“Why, Bokuto? Why the invitation?” Akaashi asked, examining the card inviting him to Bokuto´s birthday celebration, happening in his apartment building. “After everything…”

Bokuto presented him with one of his treasured smiles. Akaashi noticed, that even though Bokuto smiles a lot, this one, in its entirety, belongs to him and only him. “I want to be your friend first, Akaashi. I want to really get to know you. That is enough for me. If you want the same, come. I would like to say - no gifts are necessary, but I…”

“Love gifts,” Akaashi completed his sentence. “Of course I will bring you a gift.”

“So is it a yes? There will be many people, but I can find you a safe space, you know? Or bring your friends who can…”

“Thank you, Bokuto-san.”

Then something unthinkable happened. Bokuto gave him a light kiss on top of his hair. “Don´t read into it much. I like to do this with all of my friends.”

Akaashi nodded, confused. He believed him, but he also felt, that this type of kiss could have a different meaning.

Meaning of a chance, of something new.

His fingers clasped the invitation tighter, murmuring under his breath, “I guess I am going shopping today.”

 

 

Akaashi stopped in front of the huge apartment building, the address provided by Bokuto through the official email invitation. He hoped for a chance to have a smoke, not wanting to go for one through the party. Within him resided a glimpse of hope, there wouldn´t be any need for smoking cigarettes. Not today.

Nervousness got to him. Not because of many unknown people waiting up there, because, honestly, he had no idea what to buy for Bokuto-san as a gift. First instinct was to get him a book, but did he like reading on his own volition? If so, should it be fiction, non-fiction, illustrated book, or some comic, even manga?

Bokuto-san talked about the mysteries, but was it something that would make him happy? And what did he actually own?

With that, Akaashi settled on a bottle of wine. Beer would be too informal, anything else would be a huge risk. Wine? You can never go wrong with that, if the said person likes to drink alcohol.

His hand hesitated, fingers clutching the box of cigarettes. He should just come inside. As he walked through the hallway of a sixth floor, he noticed Bokuto-san and some of his visitors right in front of the door.

“Welcome!” Bokuto shouted without any concern for disrupting his neighbors. Maybe they all were invited, just to be sure. Knowing Bokuto, he would probably invite his own enemies. “Oooh, so many gifts, thank you, Takao, and thanks for coming, Midorima! I know it´s a pain for you, but I believe you´ll manage!” Bokuto, and his visitor with black hair falling a bit into his face, chuckled. On the other hand, tall man with glasses and green hair seemed to be utterly disgusted.

“We are here, because otherwise, we would go crazy.” Green haired man pointed to the door on the right.

So they were his neighbors, Akaashi figured.

Bokuto leaned upfront, giving a light kiss on Takao´s forehead. Before he could do the same to Midorima, the man ducked down and ran inside.

It seems Bokuto was telling the truth about kissing his friends. Akaashi felt a ping of regret, but somehow still believed, that it was different with him.

“Akaaaashi!” Bokuto yelled, as he noticed him standing behind the corner.

“Good evening, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi greeted, walking right into his arms. It felt wrong and it felt right. God dammit. “I didn´t know what you might like, so… happy birthday. One year closer to death!” He squeezed out without thinking. The saying was beloved by one of his friends, who used it every year, when someone even thought about celebrating his birthday.

Bokuto´s eyes watered, mouth fell open, shoulders fell down. “Wha-at? But I think I heard that somewhere…”

“Bad joke, Bokuto-san. It was just a joke, I sincerely apologize.” Akaashi´s face didn´t move. Always so serious…

Bokuto exhaled. “Thankfully. Well, come in. My neighbors are all here. Would you like to meet them, or do you want to…”

“I am fine, Bokuto-san. I have no problem meeting new people all at once.” Akaashi meant it. Him not liking it doesn´t equal not enduring it, or being interested, especially if it´s just one night.

Akaashi shook many hands, learned many names, even got to know Bokuto-san´s neighbours from the left side the door. “Nice to meet you, Tachibana.”

“Oh, call me Makoto, please.” Man motioned toward his boyfriends named Rin and Haruka.

Akaashi nodded towards them. Does Bokuto have friends who only do sports? Obviously, if observing their builds is anything to go by.

There were many more people, friends from work, Bokuto´s friends from high school and college, even his short volleyball career, as he learned later. Even more people were coming, every one of them bringing crazier gifts than the people coming before.

Akaashi suddenly felt like his bottle of wine was a big mistake. Too late.

He decided to explore a little. After a short exchange of words with men named Reiji and Shizuma, a girl named Nana and two bickering men named Lev and Yaku, his direction changed far away into the kitchen with a hallway leading to the bathroom and bedrooms.

The apartment was huge, but not big enough for music to be any quieter, when hiding inside of the bathroom. At least he could take a break from the neon colors, being literally everywhere in the living room. Bokuto´s apartment changed into a dance floor.

And Akaashi did not dance. Not in their style, anyway.

That´s when he noticed it. The door leading to one of the bedrooms was slightly open. Akaashi wasn´t the type to spy on someone without their permission. Today, curiosity got better of him.

He stepped inside. This was Bokuto´s room, for sure. Akaashi hoped for some signs of his hobbies, or at least pictures with friends. There were many frames, even notice-board with some photos. Well, Akaashi saw absolutely nothing, since the room was dark and he wasn´t willing to risk switching the lamp on.

His eyes explored everything visible, thanks to the moonlight coming through the window. Dumbbells, volleyball, whistle, opened the book. Book Akaashi lent him. He was so sure Bokuto would not read it, or even give it back, that the reality took him by surprise.

Not only he was almost finished with it, the book had many sticky notes with some scribbles, that the darkness didn´t let him read. Then there was another book, also considered classic. Jane Austen.

Akaashi smiled. One of the bookshelves was full of manga and Harry Potter collection. Actually, too much of a Harry Potter collection. Was he a Potterhead? Heh, Akaashi liked it. He himself was more of a Lord of the Rings guy, but this was good.

Too good to be true.

The realization hit him. He wasn´t supposed to be in Bokuto-san´s room without permission. He hated snooping like this, so why did he do it?

He found himself back in the hallway, needing a smoke.

Before he could excuse himself for a bit, someone caught him in his arms.

“Dance with me, please?” Bokuto pleaded, his hair falling down in front of his face, while the rest was spiked up as always.

“I don´t know how to dance this way….” Akaashi motioned to others, doing some strange dance-body creations that no one should replicate ever again.

Bokuto frowned. “Is there a style you prefer?”

“Actually, I don´t dance.” Akaashi admitted, not being entirely true.

“Are you sure? You look like you might be a good dancer.”

Akaashi sighed. “I do ballroom dance. I did.” Why did he admit this?

Bokuto whistled. “Hey, Matsuoka, change it to a tango!” His eyes never left Akaashi´s face. “Will you lead, please?”

Impossible. This man was able to turn Akaashi´s expectations upside down one more time.

“Keiji?” said too familiar voice from behind Akaashi´s back.

“Kenma! I don´t think I introduced the two of you. Come in and call…”

Akaashi´s ears didn´t let him listen to any more of Bokuto´s words. The world stopped spinning, music that still didn´t play that damned tango was too loud. There was a distant ringing in his head.

He was here. He was here, so close, yet so far.

“Actually,” Kenma mumbled, “we know each other.”

Akaashi couldn´t breathe. Kenma was here and that meant only one thing. He turned on the heel and ran outside, towards the elevator. He will get to the roof and he will get that disgusting smoke, even if it meant killing someone on the way up. He wished to run away and never turn back, but… it was Bokuto´s day.

 

* * *

 

 

The impossible became possible.

And then it shattered everything good and everything bad.

Possible stopped being impossible.

Surprises became a routine.

Routine seemed to be easy.

Nothing was easy.

Impossible turned into misunderstanding.

You think you know.

But do you?

 

* * *

 

 

“I can be an airhead, but this… this was weird, right?” Bokuto asked on the verge of panic.

Kenma seemed tired. “Yes.”

“And you know each other and…”

At that moment, Kuroo appeared from behind the crowd, holding a beer in one hand, while the other hand started playing with Kenma´s long, braided hair. “This would be my fault.”

“How?” Bokuto was honestly confused. “You two didn´t meet yet. I was calling you and…”

“Where is Kenma, there´s me. That´s the golden rule, right?” Kuroo asked, uncharacteristically serious.

It was the first time Bokuto noticed how fidgety Kenma was.

“I don´t want to ruin your party, Bo.”

Bokuto flapped his hands around. “I don´t understand!”

Kuroo grinned, somewhat sadly. “He never danced with me. He never even smiled at me. I tried to stay behind, so he wouldn´t notice me, hopefully for the whole evening. And also, I could not believe my eyes. You two aren´t even dating and you managed the impossible.” Kuroo looked outside the window. It started raining. “I could never do that.”

“Wait. Is he… you never told me… omg,” Bokuto exclaimed, horrified.

It was Kenma, who finally said something smart. “You need to speak with him. Preferably, now.”

Bokuto and Kuroo exchanged sight of understanding.

“Go?” Bokuto asked quietly.

 

 

Akaashi stepped into the elevator, waiting for the doors to close, when the hand stopped them. Kuroo got in, as the thunderstorm made its entrance.

“Of course,” Kuroo whispered with a gasp of unhappy laughter.

Akaashi´s heart could not bear this.

“Are you going for a cigarette?” Kuroo asked without looking at him.

No answer. Akaashi should have run away. Stupid. So stupid.

Just one floor. Only one and he could continue to ignore him freely. Ignore… why? That was not his wish. Ever.

Another thunder came.

The elevator shook, the lights went out, the movement stopped. “Are you kidding me?” Akaashi deadpanned.

“Keiji,” Kuroo addressed him, trying to use the situation for his benefit.

“Tetsurou.” Akaashi didn´t want to speak with him, but… he knew Bokuto. And Bokuto knew him. And… “How long do you know each other? How well?”

Kuroo shrugged. “Too long. We got really close in high school. Then we got to different universities and… we´ve met only for games. “

“Are you close?”

“Closest,” Kuroo admitted.

“Then why doesn´t he know my name? Or he does and this is some lame game of yours?” He heard it the moment those words left his mouth. They would never do that.

Kuroo closed his eyes. He could hear how loud his heart was, he also could hear uproariousness of Keiji´s heart beat. “I couldn´t. But I wanted to.“

The emergency light switched on. Akaashi examined Kuroo´s posture, face, his hair. That god-awful hair, he always preferred wet. Why did he… He shook his head and slowly inhaled. “Why didn´t you tell him?”

“Did you tell Kenma about me?”

“I mentioned your name,” Keiji admitted. “But I didn´t realize how close we were until it all ended. You know me. I tell intimate details of my life only to the people closest to me.”

Kuroo nodded. “You´d be surprised, but I do the same.”

“Then why didn´t you?” Why was Akaashi so angry about this? It didn´t matter anymore.

Oh no, it did. That´s why he couldn´t move on.

“Do you remember the dinner? Maybe half a year before our break up? You were supposed to meet him. You didn´t come, again. I figured you didn´t care.” Kuroo was examining the floor. Unusual for a man of his confidence.

Not around Akaashi Keiji. No one had enough confidence around Akaashi Keiji.

“And before? We dated long enough.” Akaashi felt betrayed.

“I wasn´t sure about you.” Kuroo tilted his head. “Actually, I was sure about you, but I wasn´t sure about your feelings. And I wasn´t ready for you to meet someone so close to me, if this wasn´t real. It would break me.”

They both got quiet. Too quiet, even in the loud rain and thunders.

“How sad,” Kuroo said motionless, with his back sliding down. “It broke me anyway.”

Akaashi had no words. He was the one who was angry. He was the one who should be saying that. It wasn´t him who broke things off. It wasn´t him who didn´t try. It wasn´t…

What if it was?

There was no courage left in him, but he wanted to try anyway. His mouth opened, just as the elevator moved up.

“Don´t hurt him, please.” With that, Kuroo left, leaving Akaashi on the roof with the pack of cigarettes and the empty lighter in his hands.

“I don´t wanna,” Akaashi murmured. “I didn´t wanna.”

What if he believed the lies he told himself to feel a bit better?

This was Bokuto´s evening. He threw the pack of cigarettes in the trash and came back down. Bokuto Koutaro was waiting for him in the hall.

“I am sorry, Bokuto-san. I really want to celebrate. Will you still have me as a guest for your party?” Akaashi asked with a worry of rejection reflecting in his green, piercing eyes of an angel.

Bokuto extended his palm. “Let´s go. If you want to talk, talk. If you want some quiet, I can give you that.”

“Yeah, I know.” And with that, the last lightning came, accompanied by a loud thunder, its faithful accomplice. Raining stopped, the clouds separated, the moon arose from its hiding place, celebrating the night.

 

* * *

 

 

I loved you so much.

I was ready to give you anything and everything.

I did give you just that.

I adored you with all my being.

I admired you with this faulty heart of mine,

I followed you with this impure soul of mine.

Did you feel it?

Did you feel it as strongly as I did?

Or was I the only one?

No.

You said you loved me every night,

Every night,

In every life.

You hugged me,

Kissed me,

Made love to me.

But you said goodbye.

Not with your words,

Not with the letter.s.

You made your actions clear,

You left all of this falling down to the floor.

Like the ashtray breaking,

The waste spilling,

Breaking the bonds,

Breaking every feeling.

You got mu stuck,

I got myself tangled up.

I loved you.

And you said goodbye.

 

* * *

 

 

“Kenma´s hair got so long,” Akaashi mentioned, sitting outside on the balcony, wrapped in the blanket full of stars shining in the dark. The music from the apartment was still loud. Fun everyone was having continued, thankfully, even with Bokuto disappearing to comfort Akaashi. Also, he probably wanted to understand.

Bokuto watched him, Akaashi could feel it all over his body. “Is that what you want to talk about?”

“No,” Akaashi answered, knowing Bokuto-san is not serious. “I don´t want to talk. Go, have fun.”

Bokuto stayed.

Akaashi talked.

 

 

_“You are the most beautiful being in the world, you know that?” Kuroo asked rhetorically as he stroked Keiji´s hair._

_Akaashi heard those words numerous times. It made him giggly and embarrassed all at once. How could someone love him this much, with so much passion in the same words repeated over and over, anytime he got a chance?_

_Every time, he meant them._

_That was enough._

_Akaashi stroked Tetsurou´s chest and whispered: “I love you.”_

 

_“Play for me?” Tetsurou asked in a hushed voice. He knew Keiji wasn´t very fond of that question. Anyway, he tried when he felt it might be the right time._

_Keiji closed the piano. “Not today. I am not ready.”_

_“Will you ever be ready?” Kuroo asked a year later._

_Akaashi wasn´t sure._

 

_“We are waiting for you,” Akaashi read a third text message on his phone._

_“Sorry, can´t today, something came up.”_

_With that, he never met Bokuto Koutaro, before seeing him at their work place. He lost an opportunity to meet Tetsurou´s best friend, which he should have. Not for Akaashi´s sake, not even for Bokuto´s. He should have done it for Kuroo._

_But he ran._

 

_“Dance with me?” Kuroo asked some time before his university graduation._

_Akaashi shook his head. “I don´t dance. Not in public.”_

_“It´s not in public. It´s me. You promised, remember? Please.” Kuroo´s hand started shaking as he waited for him. “I will shield you, as always.”_

_Keiji turned his face away. “Sorry, honey.”_

_“Nah. Iam sorry.” With that, Kuroo left him, dancing on the dance floor surrounded by his classmates._

 

_“Where are you, Keiji? It´s raining. I am waiting for you.” Another text message from Kuroo._

_“I can´t make it. Sorry, school work.”_

_“But…”_

_Akaashi didn´t lie, but he could rearrange some things. He loved him. He wanted to be with him. So why wasn´t he, when Tetsurou needed him the most?_

_Another text message came. “I can´t anymore.”_

_The phone fell to the ground with a loud bang. Keiji put his hand on his chest. Something inside of him broke._

_The rain got heavier. It made him remember the first day they met, through the window of the dance studio. The only time Kuroo saw him dancing._

_It was raining even then, as if it knew before they did._

_Akaashi felt the heat coming up his face. His body threw itself on the bed. When did he fall asleep? It was three in the morning, flat still occupied only by himself. His heartbeat spiked up. What if Kuroo came, packed his stuff and left? No, he wouldn´t do that. Akaashi looked around. Nothing, he still hasn´t come home._

_Panic set in._

_He ran to the kitchen, found the pack of cigarettes he threw away when he decided to quit smoking._

_For him._

_Blue ashtray, a birthday gift from Kuroo, stood on the kitchen counter, ready to be used differently._

_Not today._

_Akaashi stretched his hand out._

_Another loud bang, then the rattling of the keys._

_Kuroo came home, noticing broken gift first. “You didn´t have to,” he said almost silently._

_“I didn´t mean to,” Akaashi admitted._

_“Okay.” Kuroo locked himself in the bathroom._

_Where was he so long? He was pretty sure his face was red from the tears. Kuroo didn´t cry, right?_

_Right?_

_Akaashi knocked on the door. “Tetsu?” He never called him that._

_Before the wake up of first sun rays, Kuroo Tetsurou left forever, leaving part of his heart and soul behind._

 

 

How did it get to this? Why did he talk about this with a co-worker? No, with his ex-partner´s best friend. Somehow, he hoped that talking about it might bring him a different perspective.

Wait. Why didn´t he hate him?

Akaashi straightened up and turned to Bokuto. He simply leaned upfront, their noses almost touching. Keiji blushed. “I am sorry I hurt your friend.”

“He is sorry too.”

“Why don´t you hate me?”

Bokuto shrugged. “I can´t. He loved you once, meaning you must be someone special. Trust me, Kuroo Tetsurou doesn´t love just anyone. Do you have any idea, how much I wished I could love him this way? Life would be so easy. But it´s not and here we are.” He smiled. “Also, he would never want me to hate you. You don´t deserve it.”

“He doesn´t deserve it,” Akaashi added honestly.

Bokuto nodded. “True, true. You two need to figure things out. This is not healthy for any of us.”

“Us?”

“Him, you, me, Kenma. I saw how you looked at him. And as he mentioned, you were train friends. This is one big spider web and…” Bokuto stood up. “We are all worth it.”

“Yes, you are.”

Akaashi was still blushing.

 

* * *

 

 

We could have become something more.

Now we can´t.

We are no more.

Sometimes love is not enough.

We tried,

We failed.

We wanted,

We didn´t fight enough.

Love is often not enough.

That blue ashtray broke.

The only thing left is sorrow.

All of it might be a sign for better tomorrow.

 

* * *

 

 

The last thing he ever wanted, was to speak with him alone. There was no way of avoiding it, he understood his responsibilities. Akaashi knocked on Kenma´s shoulder. “May I ask your partner to dance?”

Kenma looked into Kuroo´s eyes hesitantly. This was his call.

“No. I dance only with those who really want it.” Kuroo refused with a loud gulp coming from his throat.

Kenma caressed his face, took him by the collar of a red shirt and asked him to get lower. He whispered something, then left. “He is all yours.”

“No, he is not,” Akaashi thought to himself, then added, louder. “I want to dance.”

“No, you don´t Keiji, but you want to talk, so come on. Let´s talk.” Kuroo grinned and with that settled, they moved into Bokuto´s bedroom, this time with the lights on.

Akaashi gasped in a surprise. There were so many pictures full of Bokuto´s friends from past and present. Kuroo was in most of them. How come he didn´t know?

“He is great, isn´t he?” Kuroo said, noticing Keiji´s admiration for the grey haired man. “You know, there was a time I really wished I could love him romantically. Do you have any idea, how easy the two of us would be? Eh… that came out wrong. I mean easy as being a couple, you know?”

Akaashi thought about his time with Kuroo, then his starting friendship with Bokuto. “Actually, I can picture it pretty well.” Then he realized it. “Your dragon tattoo. Did you get it together?”

“Yep,” Tetsurou nodded proudly. “Last day of high school, after graduation. We had to, you know? We were going too far away from each other.” The rest of the words got lost, until more minutes have passed. “Honestly, I have nothing to talk about. I just want us to be friends. And especially, I want you to be friends with Kenma again. He might not show it, but he took your rejection pretty badly.”

“I didn´t reject him,” Akaashi said in a surprise. “I…” But he did. His actions and silence certainly did. “I didn´t mean to.” They both sat on the bed. “Seeing him made everything tougher. You left me.”

Kuroo frowned. “You left me first.”

“How?”

“You checked out of our relationship long before I packed my things and didn´t look back. If you didn´t notice, then I can´t be happy for Bokuto to find a friend like you. Come on, Keiji, you were always so prudent. You always knew, understood everything, even the unsaid. So what is it about me, that…”

Keiji couldn´t argue with that. “I really loved you,” was all he managed to say.

“Do you like him?”

“What?”

“Do you like Bo? As a friend?”

Akaashi smiled.

“I take that as a yes.”

“I don´t understand you.”

“I noticed.” Kuroo sighed and got up. “You never smiled this much when we were together. There are so many small things you do around him, you never even once did with me. I don´t know where I went wrong. Maybe we just weren´t meant to be.”

Keiji opened his mouth in protest, but got interrupted.

“I know this is not about romantic feelings. You don´t know him that well, yet. Just… get to know him, please. Try it. He is so worth it.”

 “Can we dance, later?” Akaashi whispered, believing Kuroo has left.

“Of course,” Kuroo answered, both men close to smiling at each other. Almost.

 

Akaashi watched him go, again. When a couple of minutes have passed, he followed his footsteps. He suddenly wished for just one more embrace, or a peck on a cheek.

His eyes looked for Kenma. He was on a dance floor in a tangled web made out of Bokuto and Kuroo, who did not hesitate with joining them. Kenma looked pissed off, but also…. Happy, satisfied.

Akaashi Keiji smiled as Bokuto found him and winked.

Then he noticed something else.

Kenma took a chance to run away the moment Bokuto and Kuroo got eyes and dance moves only for each other. He slipped away to stand right beside Akaashi. As usual, he was almost invisible. Kenma would make a really good spy, Akaashi thought with a chuckle.

“What´s so funny?”

Keiji inhaled and exhaled slowly. “It´s not your fault and I didn´t mean to. Truly. I am sorry for wasting so much time for something so petty.”

“It was not petty. But I… missed you,” Kenma admitted, taking a cup of hot cocoa into his hands.

Akaashi felt a ping of jealousy, seeing the ring on his finger. Kuroo had the same one. “Congratulations. When did that happen?”

Kenma sipped his beverage and examined the wedding band with the utmost admiration. “Seems like forever. The best day of my life, besides meeting him.” There wasn´t more elaboration coming from him.

“I am happy for you.”

“It could have been you, you know?” Kenma said matter-of-factly. He really didn´t hold back his honest thoughts. “I am glad it wasn´t. Just to be clear.”

They smiled without looking at each other. “Today is different. I think,” he thought, watching only Bokuto, “maybe it worked out for the best.”

“Fresh air?” Kenma asked, putting the cup down.

“Yes, please.”

 

 

“Are you really okay with me pursuing it, if Akaashi would…”

“Yes, for a hundredth time, yes, Bokuto. Honey, sweetie, I am a married man. I know it might be weird, but… I watched you. And him.” Kuroo inhaled, prepared to say it all. “He is smiling fully when being around you. He danced with you willingly, which I never managed to get, not even for a second. I saw him admiring your hair and he hated mine.”

Bokuto frowned. “How is that possible?”

“Easily,” Kenma said without an interest, materializing by their side like a ghost.

“Nice, love. Nice,” Kuroo said, putting on a fake expression of pain.

Kenma showed him a tongue. “Don´t worry. You are stuck with me.” With that, he left for another cup of hot cocoa.

“Look,” Kuroo said, putting his hands around Bokuto´s shoulders. “If he ever plays a piano for you, you will know this is it. Trust me. You will know.”

Bokuto looked around, unsure. “I don´t know. I am not very…”

Kuroo pecked him on a cheek. “Believe in yourself. He does.” He tilted his head towards Akaashi, who spoke with Konoha and other friends from work.

“But… you wanted to… I remember you saying you are going to propose.” Bokuto was fighting with those words. They agreed not to mention it ever again. “I don´t say it because of you, but because of him. I guess you didn´t tell him, right?”

“No,” Kuroo answered with a straight face. “Bokuto. I am rooting for you, honey. And if you will become best friends on the way and nothing more, trust me. You´ll still be the happiest man in the world.”

Bokuto disagreed. “You are always my number one, Tetsu. Don´t you forget that. Not even those two can take our spots.”

“That´s actually true.” And so they laughed, toasted and danced until the morning said its welcome.

Surprisingly, the only other people left were Kenma and Akaashi, sleeping on the couch, comfortably laying in each others arms.

“Take a picture, quickly,” Kuroo whispered.

“Certainly,” Bokuto assured him. “Ah, I am screwed, man. Really, really screwed.”

“Don´t get ahead of yourself,” Kuroo said, laughing and tidying the place up.

Bokuto watched him, picking up the trash from the floor. He was really rooting for him, there was no doubt about it. The pain still lingered inside of him.

The resolve was nowhere to be seen.

Akaashi Keiji and Kuroo Tetsurou never finished their story. They had to write the last chapter, so they could go on, not as partners for other people. They were ready for it, both in their own way and speed. It was time to close the door, so they could open the new one for the friendship that might blossom out of everything they´ve been through together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you have a beautiful day! Kudos and comments always appreciated, this is one of my favorite chapters! I love them all so much :) Please enjoy and never forget, you matter!


	5. BONDED IN ADMIRATION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies drifted in the wind.  
> Love left, but different kind of love stayed.  
> Mistakes brought you the darkness,  
> The darkness brought up the light.
> 
> It came in the middle of the night.  
> I came to you in the middle of the night.

 

Playing. Place to lose myself.

I got lost.

Lost from my ego, from my own life.

I threw it away,

But I got something else in return.

Was it worth it?

We shall see.

It´s calling, the doubt.

I doubt myself.

I got lost.

Let´s go find it, shall we?

 

* * *

 

 

Those long fingers of his he liked to play with, were touching the piano keys without any melody. Hesitation got the better of him. The memory could not come up with any song he loved to perform. No, there was one.

One he wanted to play for him, but never got to it. This piece did not fit him. In all honesty, it never fit anyone he ever met.

Then why did he feel like it changed?

His mind got filled with pictures of Bokuto.

With feelings of fondness.

Bokuto Koutaro.

You really got to me, didn´t you?

And with the thoughts of this man, right in front of his eyes, those long fingers started to play.

Feelings of belonging overwhelmed him. Playing music was his palace, the thoughts of composing again crept up on him slowly, determined to win.

There was no time to try, not yer. His phone rang with the familiar melody of owls hooting. He couldn´t help himself, he had to set that ring tone this way.

“Yes, Bokuto-san?”

It´s been a week since the birthday party.

“Good morning, Akaaashi! Just checking in! Would you like to go to see a movie?!”

Akaashi´s stomach got attacked with a weird feeling. Bokuto´s voice wasn´t one hundred percent honest, he was a very bad liar. He wanted to ask about it, but didn´t have to.

“I am sorry, Akaaashi.” Bokuto sighed. “You know I can´t lie, especially to you. And I don´t want to. But I do want to see a movie together, just… Kenma says you and Tetsu should talk. And you should, you know? I know you were avoiding the topic for the whole week, so I kept quiet, but…”

There was something else stuck in his voice. Something more, which Akaashi understood. Whatever it was, he could not ask him about it. That would mean cornering him between the old and new friends, which he didn´t wish for.

Truthfully, he felt it might be good for the all of them. If he is be able to succeed, there was a great friendship awaiting them all, just behind a corner. Keiji only had to look very carefully.

“Do you have his phone number, please?” Akaashi wrote it down and after hanging up, he made another call.

 

 

Instincts made him walk to the old dance studio where he took his first dancing lessons. Akaashi stood in front of the old broken window full of dust and graffiti. This place had to be destroyed a long time ago. Shame, he would like to see its legacy continue.

“I never forgot the first time I saw your face, you know?” said too familiar voice from behind his back.

Akaashi turned to face him, ready to talk. As he parted the lips, no words came out.

“Come on, Keiji. It´s been years. Let´s not dwell on it, yeah?” Kuroo Tetsurou grinned, this time with full honesty.

So he really did move on. Akaashi´s eyes darted towards the ring on his finger. Of course, he did. Keiji smiled. “I am so happy for you.”

Moment those words left him, the raindrops started falling. They both looked up at the same time. “This is our luck, isn´t it?” Akaashi asked with a chuckle.

Kuroo stared at him. “When did you start to smile so much?”

Akaashi wanted to oppose him, but couldn´t. As he quickly went through some of their happiest memories, it was Tetsurou who used to laugh fully, not him. “I guess… I guess I was always worried I would lose you, you know? I was… I think I made myself believe, you would leave me one day, so I decided not to give myself to you with all of my being.” And with that, the rain poured down on them.

They did not run to find a shelter.

“Why? You know I would never do that. My god, I wanted to propose to you that night!” Kuroo admitted unwillingly.

“What?” Akaashi´s eyes were full of water. Rain or tears?

Kuroo gave him the saddest smile in the world. “I am actually thankful I never did that. I just wish it would happen differently. We were happy together, weren´t we?”

“Happiest,” Keiji agreed. So why wasn´t he able to commit to him? “You wanted to propose. You know I would say yes no matter what, right?”

Kuroo nodded. “I have no idea, why are you being able to do certain things for him, when you are not even dating, but you were not able to do them for me. I believe there is a reason and maybe there isn´t. As I see it, we weren´t meant to be, because it was always supposed to be me and Kenma. What about you, I don´t know. But, if Bokuto is willing to fight for you, then you got it pretty good.”

It wasn´t at all hard to believe those words. “Am I really that different with him?”

“Those small things people think don´t matter that much?” Kuroo asked without expectations for an answer. “Well, they do matter, my dear. They matter to me. Cherish them.”

Their bodies got totally wet and absolutely lonely. Streets got empty, everyone took a refuge under the roofs of buildings, in the shops, even under the trees, if they were lucky.

Not these two men.

They loved the rain.

It was raining the first time they saw each other.

“When did you meet Kenma? When did it all start? I think I…” Keiji did not finish.

Kuroo saw right through him. “I knew him before. Just a little, he hardly spoke to me, but believe me, I tried so hard with him. But in the end, it was he who found me. That evening, in the middle of the road, when you rejected our dinner that I was planning for so long.”

“The proposal.”

“The proposal.” Kuroo was somehow still able to smile. Surely achieved thanks to the memories belonging only to him and Kozume Kenma.

“Who would have thought. So similar, yet so different.” Did Akaashi meant him and Kenma, or Kuroo and Bokuto? Either way, they both found what they were looking for.

Although, Akaashi might have not seen it yet.

“As the bouquet for you fell to the ground, he caught my heart and helped me to get up. I refused, but… as I said, he found me.” Kuroo was ready to go, there was no more need for him, or his words. “By the way, I left the ring in your grandma´s jewelry box. I guess you never really open it, do you?” Before he left, he hugged Akaashi tightly. “I miss you, but this time as my friend. Come back when you are ready, please. There is so much I want to tell you.”

Akaashi cried. “I am sorry. For everything. And I am sorry I missed your wedding.”

“Don´t worry. We plan on repeating the vows. Kenma´s idea of a birthday gift for me. It´s in two months.”

Akaashi watched him leave, waving to him, being happy. “Kozume Kenma, a sap, romantic soul. Who would have thought.”

With that, Akaashi knew what to do.

His knuckles knocked on the very familiar door.

“Akaaaashi!” Bokuto yelled out loud, earning a scolding from a man with a hairband. His hair had light color, and looked like wind did some damage on them. He seemed to be going for a run. “Sorry, Hasekura, you should be used to this!”

Man just waved him off. “Yeah, yeah.”

That´s when Bokuto noticed Akaashi´s state. “Come on in, we need to dry you up… and why are you here? Did I screw something up with the work? Did I…”

“No, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi said seriously, taking the coat off. His eyes wandered towards the window. Rain was thinning, as daylight slowly fazed out into a night time. How long was he outside? “I took your advice. We talked and… I wanted to see you.” And he really, really did.

 

* * *

 

 

It came in the middle of the night,

As the rain stopped falling,

Snow melted,

Sun let the moon take over.

It left early in the morning,

Only to come back stronger,

Faster,

Smarter.

The moon provided the shelter,

Rain provided the answers,

Sun brought up the new beginnings,

Late afternoon closed the chapter.

 

And as I looked into your eyes, I saw it.

The pain, the hurt

The truth, those wishes.

Apologies drifted in the wind.

Love left, but different kind of love stayed.

Mistakes brought you the darkness,

The darkness brought up the light.

 

It came in the middle of the night.

I came to you in the middle of the night.

 

* * *

 

 

Akaashi was dressed in Bokuto´s bathrobe with more prints of owls and cats than he could count. As he later learned, it was another gift from Tetsurou. That prompted him to ask the dreaded question. “Bokuto-san? I don´t want to overstep my boundaries.”

“Ask away!” Bokuto sang, changing into the pyjamas and taking out the comb to brush his hair.

“You and Tetsurou. Have the two of you ever… experimented?”

Bokuto started coughing violently. Akaashi wasn´t sure if he should use a Heimlich on him or not. “I am fine, fine,” Bokuto assured him. “And the answer is no. Well… we kissed once, in high school at the volleyball practice camp. In all honesty, we were willing to try more, just to be sure that there wasn´t even a trace of possible romantic feelings between us, or any sexual attraction. What can I say, it turned out pretty badly. We were laughing so hard even before we could start. We are not for experimenting or one night stands, so… no. And to this day, we are so glad we didn´t.”

Such pure honesty, Akaashi thought.

He tried to take a glimpse of the dragon tattoo with no luck. “May I?” He moved his fingers, asking for the comb. “I will do it for you.” There was no way he would admit how much he wanted to touch his hair.

“Okay,” Bokuto said excitedly, sitting down in front of the couch, between Akaashi´s knees.

 

 

Bokuto inhaled and once more time, forgot how to exhale. He was so close to Akaashi Keiji, it had to be a dream. He was the lucky one, really. His brows shot up in surprise, when Akaashi asked him another question.

Well,with Akaashi´s deadpanned tone, it was more of a command. “Tell me about yourself. When did you fall in love with architecture? Why?”

Bokuto was caught off guard. “I… never really thought about it this way,” he admitted, closing eyes with pleasure of having his hair brushed, especially by Akaashi Keiji. His movements were slow, soft and careful, like he was enjoying it. “One day, I noticed myself noticing… well, that was a sentence,” he chuckled in self reflection. “I mean… I found myself browsing through the internet, when I started noticing certain buildings, especially details of the old buildings and new alike. I am not fussy about this, I love classic and modern style, even more if I am able to combine that together in a really pretty way. But the first time… maybe it was the second training camp. It was outside of Tokyo and I felt lonely. There was a small house I was invited to by the family owners. Actually, you met him just before you came in. Hasekura, my neighbor. His father was an architect and he noticed my interest. I never wanted to pursue it as a career, I wished to be a professional volleyball player, but… it changed at the university. I played until the graduation, but it was becoming more competitive and less of a real team sport. I think… I think I missed someone who could keep me grounded. Both of my friends from volleyball were on different teams, so… they couldn´t help me.”

Akaashi continued brushing him, although it wasn´t needed anymore. “That´s a very nice story. I am sorry the experience disappointed you. I can see your love for the sport.”

“Thank you. I do, I really do. We sometimes play with my friends, but there is not enough time.” Bokuto saddened a bit.

Akaashi leaned in. “May I join you? I am actually pretty good myself. I played recreationally in the Uni, Kuroo suggested it.”

“Which position?” Bokuto asked eagerly.

“Setter.”

“Nice!” He turned to him, mouth almost touching Akaashi´s chin. This time, they both blushed. “I finished your book.” Bokuto said, sitting by his side on the couch. “It wasn´t easy to read so it took me a long time, but…” His eyes focused on Akaashi´s tip of the nose. The moonlight was shining exactly at the place he was sitting at. “It was so sad. I cried for many hours, I even called Kuroo to help me through it. It was Kenma who picked up, it helped anyway.”

Akaashi frowned. “Sorry for making you cry, Bokuto-san.”

“No, no. It was beautiful and heartbreaking.” His golden eyes changed its direction towards the floor. “It helped me to understand you better. Your heartbreak and his heartbreak. I don´t want to ever see the two of you feeling that way.”

Akaashi touched Bokuto´s cheek. “I don´t think it could happen again.”

 

 

We are both where we belong now, I guess.

 

 

“He is right, you know?” Akaashi admitted with a loud sigh. “I guess there are many things I never did for him. Who knows, maybe the universe knew it wasn´t meant to be.”

Bokuto got a sudden urge to hug him and so he did. Akaashi, surprisingly for both of them, let him. “Tell me about your family, please.”

And with that, they spent the whole night getting to know each other.

“My family are my friends! But if you´d like to see, here!” Bokuto exclaimed as he put the photo album in front of Akaashi.

Before he started flipping through it, he took out his wallet. “This is my family.”

“Is this your father?” Bokuto asked in disbelief. “But you said… you said he... I don´t know if I am allowed to talk about it.”

“You are,” Akaashi nodded. “He hurt us, he beat us and left us when I was just a kid. I keep it to remind myself…”

Both Akaashi and Bokuto stopped talking.

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes,” Bokuto mumbled, staring at Akaashi´s disturbed, always pretty face. “He is similar to Kuroo.”

“Very similar,” Akaashi agreed, looking at the tall, muscular, but lean build with a dark hair sticking all over the place. They did not look alike, but there was something they both shared in their facial expressions. Akaashi stood up as a rocket launching into the sky. “How come I never…”

Bokuto hesitated. Should he help? Calm him down, or let him get it out of the system?

“So it was my fault in the end.” Akaashi sat back down. “Should I tell him? That it wasn´t his fault? That I let my unknown fears interfere with everything we built?” Akaashi held his chest, feeling empty.

“Did he ever see your father?”

Akaashi silently nodded.

“Then I think he knows. Then I think… that´s why he was able to say goodbye.” Bokuto caressed his back. “But tell him, just to be sure.”

Akaashi stared into Bokuto´s adorable face. “What if I do that to you?”

“Me? Are we…”

“I would like to try. What if…”

“Are we similar?”

Akaashi wasn´t sure. Bokuto was similar to Kuroo and Kuroo was similar to… “No, you are right. No matter the past, no matter the family, I can´t let it go on like this anymore. But me… it might need some time.”

“I am willing to give you all of the time in all of the worlds,” Bokuto answered truthfully.

Keiji leaned into him, breathed him in. “That´s what Kuroo said.”

“This time, you know better,” Bokuto assured him.

Keiji nodded, breathing his natural scent in, for one more time. He wished to touch him in a very different manner. “What did you do to me, Bokuto Koutaro?”

“Just my natural charm.” They hugged until the first alarm rang.

Bokuto stared at the sleeping beauty by his side. He was willing to be anything and everything.

He was willing to do anything and everything.

Until the time comes.

 

* * *

 

 

And if you leave,

Then be it.

If you´ll never arrive,

I´ll understand.

And if I wait for you forever,

I am the one to blame.

If you won´t be able to see me anymore,

Then I will fight no more.

I am bonded to you.

I admire you.

You want to be bonded with me.

You admire me.

So let´s be bonded together,

Inside of the utmost adoration.

Because you are you,

And I am me,

Together, we can conquer,

We can be free.

 

* * *

 

 

There wasn´t much to be said.

Bokuto arranged for a meeting at a sports center his neighbor Matsuoka volunteered at. They had a volleyball court they could use. None of them expected they would use it for a maximum amount of talking and a minimum amount of tossing, even less spiking.

He couldn´t do it any other way. Honestly, he wanted to play more than ever, but the unspoken rubbed him the wrong way.

With just one look, Akaashi Keiji knew what Bokuto wished for.

The four of them sat on the floor with the volleyball between Kuroo´s hands and game in Kenma´s palms. Akaashi felt the urge to laugh out loud. Almost like a good old days, with only one difference.

All four of them together, at once.

This time, at the right place and the right time.

“To be honest, Keiji, I didn´t care. I figured what it might mean, seeing the photo, hearing you talk about him. I was just hoping I could win you over. To prove to you I am not him.” Kuroo said with his shoulders shrugging. “I couldn´t. Your walls are too high, too strong.”

Akaashi hated knowing he was telling the truth. “I think I could have realized if you told me.”

“And how would I know it´s the truth? How would I know you didn´t settle for me?” Kuroo started laughing. “Come on, man. Look at Kenma. You know him pretty well. His walls are even higher than yours and I was able to get to him.”

There were no more words needed.

They both understood.

They were not meant to be, even though they loved each other.

Kuroo got up, throwing the ball into Bokuto´s hands. “Come on.”

“Two of us? Where? How?” Bokuto followed him anyway.

“Guys!” They both yelled after a couple of seconds.

Akaashi nudged Kenma. “Um… it´s our cue to come up, I guess.”

Kenma sighed in boredom. “What did I get myself into?” As he took Akaashi´s hand, he sighed again. “Friends?”

“Kenma. It was never about you. And…” Akaashi closed his eyes. “He mattered to me. I don´t care that he reminded me… somehow, in my unconsciousness, of my father. He mattered to me as a person. Our love mattered. It partly made me who I am and it certainly got me where I am now, Kenma. Seeing you reminded me of everything I lost and also… everything I was afraid of.”

“Afraid of?” Kenma said in a murmur.

“I was afraid to ask when it all started. Silly. Kuroo would never pursue another relationship while being with me. I should have seen that, but he was sometimes…” They both looked towards the net with two men not acting their age. Someone started whistling, making inappropriate advances at Kuroo, who played it off until he got tired and flashed the man with a ring. “See what I mean? If you don´t know him, you might think he is someone entirely different. And he is not.”

“No, he isn´t.” Kenma agreed.

“I hope you don´t mind me talking about him like that.”

“You are a part of his past, as he is part of yours. If you wouldn´t speak like that about him, I´d be worried.”

Akaashi squeezed his lips together. “Always so wise.”

“Someone has to be.”

“Guuuuuys!”

“Let´s go.” Akaashi walked forward, when the small hand stopped him. “Yes?”

“You said your love got you where you are now. The same happened to Kuroo.” Kenma looked down, his face getting red. “I… thank you for that.”

They took each other´s hand, joining their men in a very different game of volleyball.

 

 

“Bokuto-san?”

“Yeeees?”

“I want to try.”

“What?”

“This. You. Us. Everything.”

“Akaaaashi.”

“Yes, Bokuto-san?”

“You are the best.”

Akaashi was as red as a tomato, Bokuto´s excitement was shining like a hot summer sun.

They both adored it.

 

* * *

 

 

How do you do this, when you already forgot?

How do you risk it all, when you remember too much?

What does your heart say, when it screams for this?

What does your mind whisper, when it thinks only of them?

Does your love sing?

Does your mind agree?

Then go.

Don´t look back.

Everything else is in your hands.

Look only forward.

And then.

Believe.

Fight even when broken.

Run.

Never stop.

But don´t forget to look,

Don´t forget to adore.

These bonds may be for the rest of your life.

 

* * *

 

 

“I want to risk it all, Bokuto-san. I want to risk everything. For you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for your time, I hope you enjoyed it! If anyone is intersted, I am also on tumblr (and twitter, but I am not very active there :D )
> 
> tumblr: insomniamagic


	6. BOKUTO & AKAASHI (Epilogue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Akaashi wanted him so much, it hurt.  
> How could it happen so fast?  
> Akaashi wished for him his whole life.  
> He just didn´t know.  
> That made him happy.  
> And it made him hurt so much, that all of his being got afraid.  
> “I could really love him.”  
> So he ran away.

 

Time came, their first official date was here and the excitement emanating from the silver haired man was almost touchable.

Bokuto waited in the shadows of a twilight in front of the museum. Gallery of architecture for Koutaro, cultural nourishment for Keiji. The perfect compromise, perfect promise of the good and the right.

Unfortunately, it didn´t happen that night.

“He is late, Kuroo. He is late!” Bokuto complained in a panic, shakily holding the phone. “Fifteen minutes. You know Akaashi is never late.”

He waited for an answer. They both knew too well about the only time Keiji ever did the same. Bokuto stood there with the flowers in his hands, full of disbelief in what he was experiencing.

There was always a chance of rejection. He really tried to push it into his head as much as he could. Even after Akaashi exclaimed he wanted to try, but… he got too deep anyway.

Bokuto Koutaro was too deep the moment he saw him at the office.

“Tell me he is not standing me up.”

“Did you try to call him?” Kuroo asked with a straight voice. How was he able to compose himself, no one knew.

Bokuto nodded, with Kuroo not needing to see him to understand the answer.

“I don´t know where he is. I am not going to lie to you, but…” Kuroo took a deep breath. “I don´t believe the history is repeating itself. I truly don´t.”

Then it happened.

“Bokuto-san.”

“He is here,” Bokuto exhaled, visibly relaxed. “He is here.”

“Go get him, tiger.”

Akaashi rectified his scarf so he wouldn´t be cold. Bokuto watched him like he was the Adonis himself. “Here, let me help you. Your collar is all wrong.”

With that small touch, Bokuto melted. His heart made a couple of leaps, his soul found a bit of time to fly into another universe and then come back.

Akaashi smiled. “Here, that´s better.”

“These are for you!” Bokuto almost yelled, as he pushed the small yellow and white flowers into Keiji´s arms.

“Beautiful.” He smelled them with full appreciation. “Come here,” Akaashi asked, tiptoeing towards Bokuto´s face. Their lips touched lightly.

Bokuto melted the second time.

This was the point of no return.

“So…” Akaashi started saying, hanging his right arm around the Bokuto´s elbow. “You mentioned that you have more ghost stories. Probably with Kuroo. May I hear the rest of them?”

Bokuto laughed. “Any time!”

They walked, they talked, they laughed, they bonded.

But don´t be fooled. Bokuto Koutaro saw it. That small glimpse of uneasiness, as Akaashi approached him on the darkened road.

 

 

Akaashi Keiji felt unknown excitement inside of his chest. There were many tries to calm down, none of them working.

How was this man doing this?

Maybe he was a wizard and put a spell on him. That would make so much sense.

He put on the best suit he could find. As he examined his face and hair in the mirror, he agreed there is no more effort needed. Oikawa might have been right about this. That porcelain face so easy to manage.

Quiet chuckle came out of his mouth. “This should be fine.”

Everything was ready, he even thought about buying him a gift, settling on a box of chocolates. After he paid, his eyes noticed a couple, not much older than him. The man was persuading a woman to dance, without any music on.

It reminded him of his refusals.

Akaashi felt panic rising in his chest. His knees almost gave up, so he quickly found a bench. His head fell into his palms. What if he is on another path leading to destruction? Without knowing, it´s happening. Again?

Beep beep.

Text message.

“You got this!” said Sugawara.

“Just do as I told you, you will be fine! (づ￣ ³￣)づ” Tooru encouraged him.

“You are right.” Akaashi stood up and ran, forgetting the chocolates on the bench.

 

 

And as they walked hidden under the moonlight, Bokuto was left with the most beautiful words in the world. “I think I could really fall in love with you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Akaashi wanted him so much, it hurt.

How could it happen so fast?

Akaashi wished for him his whole life.

He just didn´t know.

That made him happy.

And it made him hurt so much, that all of his being got afraid.

“I could really love him.”

So he ran away.

One. Last. Time.

 

* * *

 

 

“I looked for him everywhere,” Bokuto explained in one painful breath. “Everywhere. He didn´t show up for work. For a whole three days!” He wept into Kuroo´s shirt as never before. Kuroo held him without any other care in the world. Not even with all of his limbs asleep under the weight of his best friend.

Just one look towards Kenma was enough to understand. To know. “I am going to get us a cake and ice cream. Be right back.”

Kuroo stroked Bokuto´s hair, gave him another tissue and lightly kissed his cheek. “Trust me. This is not him. And before you say that, you did nothing wrong. I think… it might be the opposite.”

“But it´s sad.”

“Yes. Yes it is.”

 

 

He was found at the train station. “How did you know where to look for me?”

Kenma sniffled. “I know how to track phones. And… I know you come here to watch trains when you don´t feel well. This is not the first time I found you like this.” Kozume Kenma sat next to him, on the platform number 45. “Why here?”

“No idea. I sit on a different platform every day. All day.”

“But why? Bokuto´s words made it sound that you… are happy.”

Akaashi watched the incoming train. “I am.”

“Then… why?”

Rain started to drizzle all around them. “Do you really think it can be different this time?”

Kenma leaned back with his eyes rolling. “And here I thought, that it was two of them being drama kings.”

“You know what I mean. I really do care for him, I am…”

“I know.” Kenma stared into his phone. “I just texted him, he is on his way.”

Akaashi didn´t protest. “Thank you.”

“Don´t worry, I will come for a check later.” He stood up. “If you need us, we will be at home, eating cake and ice cream. Well, I have to get that first.” As he was leaving, he added: “It will not repeat, because you are not the same as you were before. And… you have us. Don´t you get it? We will beat the brain into you if it comes to that.”

Drizzle got pushed out with the heavy rain.

“Roger that,” Akaashi said with a thankful smile.

Kozume Kenma left, Bokuto Koutaro arrived.

With his arrival clouds parted, the rain disappeared. That might just be a sign Akaashi Keiji needed. “Bokuto-san, I want to…”

“No,” Bokuto didn´t let him start the sentence. “I am patient, but as I mentioned before, I am not bulletproof. I will wait for you as long as you need. I am asking only one thing in return. Don´t be afraid of me, be honest with me. If you will have a day you will not want to see me, tell me. If there will be a day you´d love to spend cuddling with me, tell me. I need nothing more, nothing less.”

That´s how he won all of the Akaashi Keiji. His mind, his heart, his body and soul.

“I will try my best, Bokuto-san.”

 

 

“Finally, we are meeting!” close friend of Akaashi, Sugawara, yelled under a bit of alcoholic influence. He almost fell right into Bokuto´s arm, laughing his ass off.

“No way!” Tooru couldn´t believe his eyes. “Kuroo Tetsurou and Bokuto Koutaro. Volleyball rivals and partners of the past, which we should change, again. Somehow connected through other people. The world is really small, huh? So it was you the whole time? We saw each other just last month!”

Kenma sighed. “You guys really should mention each other´s names next time, okay?”

“I did,” Akaashi corrected. “Didn´t I?”

“Maybe,” Tooru waved it off. “There is a chance I didn´t make the connection. Hey, Kuroo-chan!”

“Nice to see you happy,” Kenma said with a small grin.

Akaashi gasped. “Oh no, he influenced you!”

“I am obviously not the only one. No need to be so dramatic,” Kenma pointed out the not very obvious.

“You might be right,” Akaashi agreed, horrified. With that, they both laughed one more time and agreed to meet in an hour on the roof. Not for the cigarettes, but for the peace and quiet, they loved to share together.

Kenma raised his glass of water. “By the way, Keiji. Happy birthday.”

It wasn´t a birthday party he wished for, but it was a birthday party he needed. It made their relationship official. Bokuto wanted to shout it from the rooftops, so Akaashi gladly let him.

Also, they celebrated the day before, intimately, spending it in bed, as Bokuto promised months ago.

Why was Akaashi so scared before?Now, it seemed like a distant memory of something unreal and honestly, silly.

He hid in the corner of the room, watching people he knew, or was getting to know. Sugawara, his boyfriend Sawamura, Kuroo, Kenma, co-workers from their firm, Akaashi´s neighbors Ushijima, Tendo, Semi Eita, even Kenma´s friends arrived, Kageyama and Hinata, Kuroo´s co-workers Yachi, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.

Akaashi remembered all of their names and it was hardly everyone who was supposed to arrive. Bokuto´s neighbours were fashionably late. And Akaashi liked them, although he would never admit it to Bokuto.

He liked them, but didn´t need to see them every day. Maybe Nanase, he was nice and very, very quiet.

The doorbell rang and others came in. Akaashi´s past classmates, Kunimi and Suna, even Iwaizumi Hajime arrived and he swore he didn´t have time for celebrations.

With that in mind, someone painfully grabbed him by the elbow. “Who is that?!” Oikawa hissed into his ear.

“No. Don´t you dare,” Akaashi said firmly.

“But… do you see him? Do ya?!” Oikawa pleaded. “Just a name, then?”

Akaashi gave up. “Iwaizumi. But, he is engaged. With a woman, so don´t get your hopes up.”

“Well, I also date girls, don´t I, right?” And just like that, Tooru disappeared and reappeared right by Iwaizumi´s side.

“What did I do?” Akaashi mumbled.

 

 

“Come with me.”

Akaashi followed him blindly into the night.

“The moon,” Bokuto whispered. “It seems greenish, like your emerald eyes.”

Akaashi didn´t see it, but he also didn´t argue. He loved to be alone on the balcony, looking up into the clear starry skies. There was only one aspect of this life more beautiful than this.

“Will you dance with me?” Bokuto asked, sounding like he was in a hurry, worried being rejected.

“Of course, Bokuto-san. I… I even think I have the right music for us.” He took out his phone, found the desired piece and pressed play. As they slow danced to a piano composition sounding like a fairy tale, Akaashi let out the words meant only for Bokuto alone. “I composed it for you. For us.”

Bokuto did the only thing he could. He pulled him closer, wrapping him in a tight embrace, tears falling onto Akaashi´s beautiful hair.

“I want to play it for you.” It was the purest truth Akaashi felt.

“Thank you.”

Akaashi smiled. I could really marry you someday, Koutaro. I really, really would.

 

* * *

 

 

Moon took their faces in its arms,

Cradled it like a newborn baby,

Night took care of them as they danced away the night,

Gave them a new meaning,

Something to never forget.

Happy birthday, anyone out there in the world.

Happy birthday, to the love blooming somewhere out there in the night,

In the day,

In the shadows of a twilight,

In the sun rays of a morning.

Under the rain,

Between the sand.

Hello, new dawn,

Old dusk.

 

* * *

 

 

And they danced,

They made love,

Found someone to trust,

Completed one soul in a hush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end of the first part in this collection. I loved spending time with Bokuto and Akaashi! I wish them every happy ending there is, no matter what kind of relationship they pursue :) Kudos and comments always appreciated and thanks to everyone who spent their time with my creation!
> 
> tumblr: insomniamagic
> 
> Have a nice day and take care of yourself :*

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for your time, kudos and comments always appreciated, you can also find me on tumblr (insomniamagic).
> 
> Have a nice day or evening and don´t forget to smile, even through the tears!


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